Expert: Julie - 9/14/2009

Question
Hi,
My boyfriend recently(few days ago) broke up with me with the reasoning that 'he did not love me anymore'. Its hard to handle because our relationship was wonderful. We had minor fights every once in a while, not often, and they always resulted in us feeling closer. Our two year anniversary is next week. Two days before the breakup, we got very intimate and he was repeatedly telling me how much he loved me and how beautiful I was.
He kept repeating he was confused and didnt know what he wants. We had a long discussion the day after the breakup and its clear he still cares. He was very emotional through the breakup and during the conversation after. I have been giving him his space and havent talked to him since.
I really feel that our relationship was amazing. I am wondering if he just got scared because a few days earlier I alluded to having a future together. It has been 2 years together and I felt very connected to him and I know the thought of marriage scares him. He told me during the break up that he freaked out whenever I spoke of a future. I never pressured him about it, I just let him know I planned on keeping him around.
Nothing has really changed in our relationship drastically. The physical aspect of our relationship was always very intimate and close. He even admitted at the break up that he is still attracted to me. He also claims I did nothing wrong and I was the 'ideal girlfriend for him'. I am just very confused because I do want to be with him. We were very happy.

Answer
It just sounds like he's got some commitment issues. I had a boyfriend like that. He freaked when I talked about the future or marriage. So in order to stay with him I told myself I could deal with just living together and no marriage but I only grew resentful and we ended up breaking up.

If he's that much of a commitmentphobe which to me it does sound like, and you want to be with him, you may have to decide if you can handle being with someone who doesn't want the sort of future that you want..even if your happy with him, eventually that will change as your needs won't get met, just something to think about. Maybe during the break up he will come around and decide that he does want to have a future, thats always a possibility as well but a lot of the time, it doesn't happen. Then theres the case where a guy will not want to commit to a girl, they break up, he meets someone else eventually and wants to marry that one. Not saying thats whats going to happen but its happened lots before and it could be a possibility. Just giving you things to think about out of the scenarios that could possibly happen.

So if you want him back as is if he comes back, then its up to you to decide if your willing to settle or not.
Just some things to think about..
good luck!

Julie