Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/20/2009

Question
I am eight months pregnant with my first child.  My boyfriend and I did not plan this by any means but at first we both were very excited.  At the time we lived together and our lease was up in May, we choose to move back in with our parents and try to save money and buy a house before the baby came.  Unfortunately, with the distance in our relationship now he has filled his time with his friends instead of me.  He now has made many major decisions without me at the urging of these so called friends.  Most recently he signed a lease for 1 year that is 40 minutes away from the baby and I and in a not so good part of town.  He did not even tell me he was looking at this apartment let alone signing the lease.  We fight about small things all the time and he is always accusing me of only wanting to nag him.  I agree that I do come off as nagging him, but I only have his best interests at heart and he will not listen to my opinions at all.  I feel like he is more concerned with what his friends have to say than what I do and what is in the best interests of our child. I do not want to take my baby's father away before he or she is even born, but I also do not want him to be around my child with the bad decisions he has made lately.  I feel completely alone in this pregnancy and in this relationship. If I was not carrying his child I would've broken things off months ago, but because of the baby being involved and the fact that we are so close to having the baby I don't know what to do anymore.

Answer
Dear Julie,
You have to think of yourself and the baby and clearly he isn't.  So, unfortunately he has taken himself out of the relationship.  If his main concern is doing things with his friends and not making a better life for you and the baby then he is not a man and you are better off without him.  You are going to have to be emotionally and mentally strong during this time so that you can be the best mother you can be.  You don't have to refuse him the rights to be with his child, but you need to also protect yourself.  Set up a visitation arrangement and also a child support schedule.  He needs to provide for the baby and also have the opportunity to be in the child's life.  Tell him what it is that you need from him and if he can't provide it for you then you don't want to be in a relationship with him.  Don't just stay with him because you are having his baby because you will then be completely miserable.  Allow him to make his choice(s) and then you make yours..... You have way too much to worry about and a baby on the way.... Do you really want to have to mother two children???? Good Luck, Congratulations, and I promise that if you take care of you ~ you will be ok....