Expert: Julie - 9/18/2009

Question
hi julie...my girlfriend broke up with me at the beginning of the year so its beena while but i just cant let her go and i know its completely over.for starters i now live in france and she lives in south america and i will be returning in 2 years...shes just turned 19 this month and im 24...we were only together for 3 1/2 months,still i fell for her.she would agree that i was the sweetest guy she ever met..i treated her like a queen...i tried my damnest to make her comfortable and happy and her own bro told me that maybe that was wrong that i gave her everything...i would cook for her.made her a picnic once for our 2month anniversary..just things that maybe even made men look bad.dont know.
i now realize that my biggest mistake was letting her see me cry when she wanted some time for herself and i thought she was breakin up wit me...she just saw me so desperate and needy and thats never a good thing,and of course when she broke up with me..i just never felt this way bout nobody and told her this but it was to no avail..and that i panicked and was afraid of losing her which i eventually did...i did everything to get her back but of course i was pressuring her...i didnt call and i just went to see her twice after she broke it off..i sang her a song and i dont even sing in the shower..i just conjured up everything but obviously nothin worked...i know she was still somewhat no over her former boyfriend and first love which lasted for 2 years and in those 2 years only saw probably 6 or 7 times but chatted a whole lot according to her.

i sent her 2 emails since i left..last one was 1 month ago...and i just decided to back off completely as she hasnt written back and when i did see her over there she would somehow treat me like i cheated on her or treated her bad during our time together..

she said that we fought to much and thats also why she broke it off with her former boyfriend and of course she didnt feel what she felt at the beginning and later told me that she probabaly never even liked me enough to wanna be my girlfriend..

only thing i got outta of this was her family...i didnt mention that i got along really well with them and even her father apologized sayin it was his fault cause he spoiled her..
well julie all i can say is i cant get her outta of my mind and i know i will have to go back and one day see her..please help me cause im truly lost hear...thanks for listening anyway

Answer
Well you are right about one thing, never show weakness to someone, it will just push them away.

I do understand how hard this is for you but you really need to let go and stop focusing on this because it will just prolong the pain. In other words please do not send anymore emails or texts or anything for that matter, as you can see, it just makes her angry and pushes her away further. If she is to ever get over what happened and start seeing you differently, then this is the only way..
It will also help you to move on. Since you will have to see her again one day then show her that you've changed and become a much stronger person. Even if it doesnt' mean you two will get back together at least she will gain respect for you and possibly a friendship. But I can guarantee if you continue on the way you have, she won't want anything at all to do with you.

Good luck

Julie