Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/15/2009

Question
HI Erica

Hi!! Hope you can help!!!

Ok here we go!! Me and my ex had been dating for just over a year, the relationship was absolutely amazing, agreed by both parties, we spent all a lot of time together and loved being around each other, the sex life was great, and it was the best relationship ever. We are both 28 year old and we are definitely not getting any younger. So to say the least I am completely in love with this girl and I was pretty sure she was the one, taking into consideration her actions and words toward me. Now just over a week ago she started acting a little weird and she finally came out with it. She says our relationship has been amazing and I’m an amazing guy but something inside her and only something inside her is telling her that I just might not be the one, and she wishes she didn't feels that way and she was very emotional. She stands by that reason and she would of told me if there was another, like maybe another guy or something and I know her really well and I’m almost 100% sure there isn’t. Now to say the least I was SHOCKED, she told me this and I didn’t know how to react to is so we kind of let it go for that day. So after having some time to think about it we talked again the next day and I accepted her feelings for what they were and didn’t try to convince her or put any pressure on her at all. Again she was very emotional and confused about it. She kept saying she hoped she doesn’t regret it and that I was amazing and she wished she didn’t have this feeling inside her because of how much I mean to hear. I told her I respect her feeling and was pretty much consoling her while she was crying. Well when it was time to say goodbye she wouldn’t and we were hugging and we started kissing and she wouldn’t let me say the words goodbye because she thought they sounded like forever, so after that I said I’ll see you later and left.
Now a week went by with no communication whatsoever and trust me I was dying inside, I was a wreck and it was probably the worst week of my life. So yesterday I call her and we talked just casually about what each other were up to and nothing serious at all, so I ask her I she would like to together and go for a ride or what ever and she says yes. The reason I asked her to do this was for a couple of reason’s, first I feel like I didn’t get my closure from the last talk and I needed it cause she kind of left it up in the air, second I was curious to see how she was doing and how she would react to my presence, third I wanted to make sure she knew that I was still there for her no matter what and that things don’t have to awkward and that she’s my best fried and I want things to be cool but also letting her know that I’m fine and that I need to go on with my life.
So were driving and were getting close to my house and after 30 min of just talking of whatever she comes out says is there something in particular you wanted to talk about. That’s when I said “kind of” and I went on to say to tell her that its been a little weird not talking to her but I didn’t tell her how much I’ve been hurting, and that I wanted her to know that I feel like I’ve lost my lover and my friend and that I would like her to know that I am there for her no matter what and if she ever needs me don’t hesitate and that I won’t assume anything if she does, just basically saying I’m here for her. Well she starts talking and telling me that this week has been really really hard for her, she can’t eat, sleep, needs to stay busy, all those things and that again she wished she didn’t feel this way and that if would be really easy to get back together and keep going like it used to be but she was still unsure of her feelings and it wasn’t fair to me and to her to keep going. Also that she agrees with everything I said and appreciates the way I am handling the situation but it’s making it more difficult because she wishes I was just a jerk about it. I told her that everything happens for a reason and who knows what the future has in store and that life has a funny way of working things out, but I also made sure to tell her its life and I accept it but that I needed to keep living my life and she will get all the time and space she needs. So that was pretty much the just of the conversation and we ended it on a great note by understanding where each other were at with this and we hugged I said something to make her laugh and I went on my way.
So to end my story I feel like I got my closure which I desperately needed, I wish she would come back to me but I don’t want to live my life with any false hope, but I will miss her with all my heart, and I hope she will too. It sounds bad but I think I felt better knowing that she still hasn’t come to terms with it yet I didn’t expect her to yet its only been a week but I think I have somewhat and I’m on the right path. But my questions to you are
Do you think I handle to situation right? Is there anything I should have done different? Is there anything I should or shouldn’t do from this point on? Has anybody else been in a similar situation and how did it work? Do you think she may realize what she lost? Do women eventually change their minds?

i should also mention it has been 3 weeks of no contact!!

Answer
Dear Darryl,
Congratulations on making it 3 weeks with no contact.... Try to be strong and continue on that path.  There isn't anything else you could do or could have done to make this work.  She was pretty open and honest by telling you that she just doesn't "feel" what she should be feeling.  Do women change their mind?? Sometimes, but it is usually too late.  Typically, we find out what we had after a few jackasses enter and exit out of our lives.  What you need to do is continue to live your life and keep yourself busy.  You have been a real man about the situation, but to be friends with her right now would definitely not be in your best interest because you are still hurting and do still want to be with her.  I don't know if you have fully accepted the breakup, but when you do it is going to hurt like hell.  The thing is... you can rest assured that you have done the best that you could do.  IF she wants you back ~ she will stop at nothing to show you.  She has to come to that decision herself if and/or when that happens.  Try to find some gratitude that you found out now.  You don't want to make even more of a commitment to find out later that she was feeling this way.  It is normal to miss her, it is normal to feel everything that you are feeling, and it is absolutely normal to feel different emotions day to day sometimes minute by minute.  But, you are better off knowing now.  AND... if she never does come back ~ someone out there is going to FEEL the way that they should feel about you.  Right now it's about acceptance, closure, change, and concentrating on you.  Be the best that you can be and strive for your goals.  Other than that ~ the rest is out of your hands...... Good Luck and please do keep me posted....