Expert: ***ERICA*** - 10/2/2009

Question
QUESTION: hi erica,
thanks for taking the time to read this question and offer me some insight. here goes... ive been dating a great girl for about four months and everything was perfect she would tell my sister in law how great i was and how she has never been happier and how amazing it is that we like all the same things. she also told my mom the same. she wanted to see the house i grew up in, she wanted to meet my family and she did. im a good kid (27)and my life was rough a few years ago but things turned around and life was awesome unfortunatly something from my past caught up with me.when she found out she was sooooo upset and was calling my mom to see if i was ok and repeated to her how happy i made her, but that she didnt want to talk to me. anyway she called me a few days ago and really let me have it saying that im not what she wants in life. the next day at work she told my sister in law that she felt bad for saying what she did, i was upset but hey i deserved it. well she called me again last night and we talked for about an hour and she said that all she wants is for me to get through this and prove to everybody that i am really good guy and that i learned from my mistake. she also said that will will never be together. my response was to ask her if i made her happy and her answer was "matthew, you made me very happy" then she said that had i told her about this problem that she would have wanted to MARRY ME EVEN MORE THAN SHE ALREADY DID! then she said not to piss her off again because there wont be a second chance if i do? i care about this girl more than anything and i hope that ten years from now we have a family together and that after this has passed she will give me a chance to prove to her the man that i really am. what do you make of all this? do you think that if i get through this and do the right things that her and i have a future? what should i do?
         sincerly,
         a good guy that made a mistake

ANSWER: Dear Matthew,
We all make mistakes ~ some of us make really big ones and others small ones... and sometimes both.  If your past has caught up with you ~ be a man and take care of it.... Explain to her that you are taking care of your business and that you care about her, but you don't want to play the yo-yo game and you understand that if she can't trust or forgive you that she needs to move on... then, let her go...Don't engage in these legnthy conversations that result in you continuously feeling bad about yourself because if you are a good guy ~ that is more important than anything else.... So, you need to be prepared that things may end and you need to fix your own life so nothing from your past catches up with you again.... If she decides she wants to get through this and really get through it she will be back, but wait until she really figures it out... so that neither of you are on a crazy roller coaster ride.... Good Luck

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Erica
 Thanks again for your advice. I have sent you a thank you along with a stellar rating. In your experience, and i know everyone's situation is different, but how long do you think i should wait before i should try to re establish contact? she has been alone for the holidays and told me she was so happy that she finally has someone to spend them with. Should i attempt to talk to her then? Do i call her or should i wait for her to call me at that time?
         I value your advice
         Matthew


Answer
Dear Matthew,
I saw that and of course appreciate your rating feedback.... This is on her.... She needs to contact you and it can't be half assed.... It has to be a "I want to be with you and don't care about your past" conversation.... Anything short of that.... it won't work... Good Luck