Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/26/2009

Question
(yes i am 18)So me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year and 6-7 months, he is my first, and pretty much my first on everything else.. He is very caring, loving, buys me things, takes care of me, and everything else a boyfriend should be. Although the problem is, is that I am bored. He says he loves me and is in love with me, I have said it too, but I feel like maybe I am not. He is very emotional, more emotional than me and probably more than an average girl. Every time I try and talk about our relationship and that I don't think I am in love with him or that I don't find my self attracted to him anymore, he throws a huge tantrum, cries, and begs. And same goes for if I try and break up with him, except he stays and cries at my house(even if i tell him to leave) till i feel bad and tell him i changed my mind... We've gone through many breakups, many because of him cheating. He would receive seductive pictures from ex girlfriends, he has kissed one of his best girl friends, and also had sex with an ex girlfriend because i wouldn't give him anything. We have gotten over all those stumps and things went well for a while, but now it just seems like all he wants is sex all the time. Honestly I don't like to have sex with him and usually when i don't want to he gets all mad and says I don't like him anymore. Lately, when i usually do give in and we have sex, I don't like it nor feel sexually attracted to him. And it's not like he is not good looking, he is, his personality just turns me off.... So ultimately I guess my question is, is it over? or should we work on things?I once found him attractive, inside and out, would i find it again? and if it is time to move on, how should I break up with him? because I have tried a normal breakup and now I'm to the point where I feel like I should cheat on him till he finally leaves me. Except I hate cheating and would never want to hurt him like that.


Answer
Dear Cassie,
There really isn't much about this guy that you seem to really like or desire so my suggestion for you would be to break it off and enjoy your life for right now.  In addition to listing all of the things that you don't like about him he has cheated and therefore your circle of trust has been broken.... So, I would focus in on yourself, school, job, friends, and things that you enjoy doing.  These are the best times of your life and you should enjoy them.  If the 2 of you really are in love with each other ~ eventually things will work out, but it seems more like head games and habit then anything else... Good Luck.. Don't lower your standards or morals by cheating just be honest and leave and then stay away....