Expert: ***ERICA*** - 9/28/2009

Question
QUESTION: My ex and I were together for 2 and a half years. 2 months ago I broke it off. I was still in love with him but he did something that was really wrong and really hurt me (not cheating) and there were a few other small problems also.
I was over him (or so i thought) but a few days later he called me telling me how much he missed and loved me and wanted to fix things. I said no, but he kept trying. For a month he was sending me love letters and saying and doing all the right things.
I finally decided that we can try things out one more time.
After I had told him that he said that he first wanted to take a month to himself to get his life together and find a job because he wants to come back to me a better man. He said he didn't want us to have to break up again.
He was going through some issues so this seemed normal but strange at the same time.
We got together that weekend for bowling and dinner on saturday (sept 12) and we texted once on sunday. I called and text him once on Wednesday and left a voice mail because he had asked me over the weekend if we can get 2gether 4 a movie during the week before he takes a month to himself...and he has not gotten back to me. It is now Wednesday(Sept 23) and I have not heard from him.
It is driving me nuts! We were together for a long time and he tried so hard to get me back, just to ignore me? I don't understand. What can be going on, and should I call back? I don't want to call again and seem desperate but I need to know what happened, then I will gladly move on. He promised he'd see me on my b-day in October..not sure if he will call then.
This could be him taking his month off, but could he at least return my call to tell me?!
I do still love him, i can't help that but I do not want him back. I just want this feeling to go away. It hurts so bad,I wish i didn't care.
I feel like I need to talk to him at some point. I need answers, i need to know why.
I don't know how to move on, it's hard. This is someone I loved so much and thought loved me.


ANSWER: Dear Keri,
He shouldn't have begged and tried to get you back if he didn't really want you back.... Was it about the chase and not the catch??? My opinion: there is something else going on in his world or something else that has peaked his interest. Because if he was just taking the time to fix himself ~ the 2 of you wouldn't have gone out for dinner ~ period.... So.. this sounds like a well, I don't want to lose Keri, but I want to see what else is out there for me "month."  Who cares what happened ~ don't allow him to hurt you anymore ~ delete him from your world ~ and have absolutely NO CONTACT.... You deserve so much better than this and don't beat yourself up... we have all fallen for it..... You are NEVER going to get the answers that you are looking for so nothing that he says is really going to make you feel better..... The only thing that is going to make you feel better is by staying away from him and having NO CONTACT.... oh yeah... and the biggie.... TIME..... Good Luck

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for answering my question and for the honest answer. I know in the back of my mind I have to forget about him and move on it's just hard. If he does end up calling me back, should I answer it? I want to know what his explanation is. I don't understand why he can't just be a man and tell me what's going on to my face.

Answer
Dear Keri,
I wouldn't answer his call because rarely do we ever get the answers that we are hoping for and it usually just lets them off the hook.  If he really cares about you then he will stop at nothing... and I mean nothing to get you back.... Otherwise just give yourself some time, stay busy, and focus in on yourself... NO CONTACT!!! Even though it is a lot easier said then done, but as time passes you realize why NO CONTACT is so important.... Good Luck