Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/7/2010

Question
I found out i was pregnant 2 weeks after me and my boyfriend of 1 year(on and off) broke up and he was already seeing someone at the time. Then when i found out, he wanted to get back together, i thought it was because he actually wanted to be with me and make it work also so we can be a family! We were together up until 2 months ago, my baby is 8 months now. Im 21 he is going to be 23 and the chick is going to be 24 years old. We broke up because he wasn't ready to be committed and wanted to get things out before WE married is what he said. He said the day he was ready to give me his all, he would put a ring on my finger and  we would be married. Except i find out 2 days later he was with the girl from before already. I was devastated! it broke my heart cuz they were already saying i love you! He doesn't say i love u easily! It was months into our relationship before we said it to eachother. For him "i love you" is precious, so he doesn't just say it to anyone. His explanation was that his feelings changed for me before i found out i was pregnant. i was hurt because to me it felt like this past year we were together was a lie and he dragged me on making me believe he had feelings for me! But the whole time he had feelings for this other girl. Several times when we were together i caught him texting her and i would confront him how i didnt feel comfortable them having a relationship in anyway. He would tell me i was overreacting. But now that i think about it since they said i love you right away that ment that they were "talking" already way before we even broke up, it almost feels like he cheated :( Their together now and i still see him everyday and he calls and texts me everyday. He wanted to maintain a good relationship/friendship for the baby. So he still stays at my house(i live with my parents)some nights due to the baby living with me. His girl admitted she didnt like that he stayed nights at my house. She says shes glad were good friends tho. But how can a girl put up with that??? He also believes that one day she's going to get sick of it. He says he loves hanging out the three of us (me him and our baby). But for me its hard cuz i want to hold and kiss him but i cant, for him its nothing hanging out! That's why we don't really hang out as much. We got "closer" when we broke up because i let him know everything about how i felt & what he ment to me & just everything!...i became open with him which i never was before, which is one mistake in the relationship i admit i made and i regret and am mad at myself everyday for it. i can't help but think if i would have been open with him the way he wanted me to we wouldn't be in this situation and we would be inlove still! Now he claims im his bestfriend but im still inlove with him and our feelings aren't mutual. He's a great father tho loves our son to death! But if his girl would see the way he talks to me sometimes she wouldnt like it. He once told me "he wished he felt about me the way he felt about her but he cant help his heart" i didn't know how to take that. Im sure he was trying to make me feel better but at the same time it was a slap in the face. But Him saying that almost makes me want to think there is hope for us and maybe his feelings havent completely changed for me if he WANTS to feel like that for me. Maybe he still has that kind of love for me but wont tell me, im not sure what to think anymore. But the part that hurts the most is him telling me he doesnt have feeling "like that" for me anymore and knowing hes out there loving someone else makes it hard to get out of bed. My trust with him is weak and as much as i want to believe his words, i cant. I feel like he sweetalks me sometimes and i fall for it. All becuase of his lies. i think everything he says is a lie. idk if hes honest with me. What if he is saying the total opposite to her??? idk what to do anymore. he knows how i feel but nothing i do or say can change his mind or heart. Some of my friends tell me to move on since he has and some tell me to be there for him so one day he will see what he's missing and he will come back! But one guyfriend told me he could just have unfinished business with her?? Moving on is easier said than done when ur still inlove with that person. How can i be inlove with someone who isnt inlove with me back?? He has put me throu alot but i always stuck by his side hoping it would all be worth it in the end! i want us to be a family! i hope this can be fixed before my baby can understand also! I know he's the one for me. I guess theres nothing to do but wait hoping he will come back??? Am i wrong for holding on?? or do i need a reality check?? friends say im letting myself be taking advantage of and am being stupid...am i?? My biggest fear is that if we stop hanging out as much and talking as much, he will only get closer to her??? But if we keep hanging out and talking as much he wont get his space from me or give him the chance to miss me/us??? what should i do about that? am i letting him have his cake and eat it too??? will he come back??  

Answer
Dear Michelle,
He is definitely having his cake and eating it too.  When he said to you that he wishes he felt about you the way he feels about this other girl ~ I would have kicked him to the curb... filed for child support... and set up a visitation schedule through the courts and that is what I believe you should do.  He is getting to do whatever it is that he wants to do and isn't being held responsible for it.  Cut all ties with him except for what I listed above.  Take care of you and the baby... Men are simple creatures ~ we try to complicate things and hold on to hope.... You deserve much much better than him.  Definitely stop talking to him and having any sort of contact with him except for the baby.  He is with someone else and I know you want him back right now, but if you give yourself enough time to take care of you and really analyze the situation ~ your desire for him may not be as strong as it is now.  You will never TRUST him again the way that you once did because he betrayed you and without TRUST there really isn't anything left except for a whole of drama... YOU DESERVE so much better for you and your child.... Good Luck