Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/1/2010

Question
I was in a relationship for 3 years.I am 34 years old , he is 30. My boyfriend left me 3 days before thanksgiving. He said he was not happy. I have an 8 year old daughter. ( He is not her father). He claimed that i didnt show him enough love and his relationship between him and my daughter wasnt great. I tried to ask him for us to go to consuling or try anything see if we can make it work. His answer was NO to everything. He said it will not work. He left , took half of his clothes. We talked occasanaly thru text. Last week  he said someone gave a complement on my picture and he told the person i was his wife. I asked him why he did that? He said sometimes he wishes it is all just a bad dream. Most of the times he refuses to answer my call. He still has a key to my house and have some of his clothes here. What should i do? Should i make him take all of his stuff and get my key back or just wait...it's been 5 weeks he left and did not contact me at all through chrismas .. tonight its new years eve and i am feeling very depressed. I feel like he gaves me mixed signals. He tells me it is not going to work , than he says not right now. time will tell , than all about me being his wife....please help.... i am heartbroken and confused... Thank you so much
Andrea

Answer
Dear Andrea,
Holidays make us very sad when we are alone.... BUT, in the grand scheme of things we are most likely better off.... He is giving you mixed signals which is why you need to stop ALL contact with him... give him back his stuff... change your locks... and start the healing process.  I know that it is difficult, but he is the one who made the decision to leave and is unwilling to work things through.... Focus in on your child and if he doesn't get along with her that makes your daughter feel uncomfortable at home where she should feel the most safe.  It is going to hurt for a long time.... find comfort in your friends, family, daughter, and doing things that make you happy.  Take some time for you... Change is extremely difficult and none of us like it, but it is necessary.  You are going to be okay... you will only start to heal when you have absolutely NO CONTACT with him...... Have a really good cry and get busy creating your own life... Good Luck