Expert: Julie - 1/15/2010

Question
I've been with my boyfriend for four years now and he had moved in about three months ago. The move was fine and everything seemed to be as it normally was. Last night when I was studying for my law final he had messaged me on msn saying that we couldn't be together anymore and that he couldn't"handle" this relationship. He wrote this from his bedroom in my house. To add to this I found on his laptop that he has been watching porn regularly ( we have intercourse almost on a daily basis) and he had about six pages worth in his history of looking through my ex best friend (who he used to have feelings for) pictures on facebook as well as her boyfriend. Im so torn and hurt. I don't know how to move on and even if I do I still have the ring. I dont want to give it back? Please, any kind of advice will be much appreciated

Answer
I find that very cowardly of him to tell you this over msn..
It sounds like he has some issues and to be honest and I know this isn't very comforting right now but its a good thing you found out now instead of later before you found out more about him. It hurts yes, but once you get past the hurt and eventually, you will...you will be glad for it also. As for the porn, many guys do look at porn even when sexually active. Its when it gets in the way of your intimacy that it becomes a problem.

He gave you the ring so its up to you if you want to give that back. You need to move out and find another place to stay in order to move on. Obviously he's not ready to be in a relationship, and in this case since it sounds like he has his mind made up, its best to just get out and move on. Unfortunatly theres nothing you can do to convince him otherwise.
Its hard to move on after a long relationship ends trust me I know, it feels like you will never get over it. So the best thing to do for now is get away from him and try to pick up the pieces of your life and try to do your best not to contact him as much as you can (easier said than done, i know) but I have been through it many times and have learned when I follow all that, it does make things so much easier..

good luck

Julie