Expert: ***ERICA*** - 1/5/2010

Question
II met this guy about 2 months ago. We both really liked each other and always had a great time together. He is 25yr, 5 years younger than me. He would constantly tell me how much he really liked me and how he has met anyone in the last two years that he really liked until me. I decided to wait till after about the 5th date to become intimate with him to make sure I didn’t rush into anything. In the beginning of our relationship he was very intense and always expressing his feeling and how he talks to his friends about me, he even told his mom and close relates about me. I felt like he was moving way to fast planning things like he wanting me to go to a friends xmas dinner party to meet all his friends, wanting to meet my friends and also planning to celebrate nye together. I was nervous but never mentioned anything. Than one day he tells me we need to talk about his freaked out about how fast and intense our relationship was going and was nervous about what we were getting ourselves into. His friends started telling him that since I’m older I’m probably seeking to settle down and have baby’s soon which lead to this talk. First of all, he was the one rushing into it not me I was taking things slow. We talked everything out and came to the conclusion to slow things down because we both really like each other and don’t want to rush into anything. I told him it was best if we didn’t meet each others friends now and that we should do separate things for nye. After, the talk things just seemed very awkward we saw each other less (granted it was the holidays) and he reached out to me less. However, when he did reach out he would tell me he missed me. Last week after the xmas holiday, I had a minor break down started a small fight about something that was completely nonsense, I guess I was frustrated bc I hadn’t seen him and wanted to see him and thought he would be eager to see me. We hung out later that week and things we great we had a great time together. Than, after nye, this past Saturday, I reach out to him asking what we were doing bc I was afraid his feeling for me had changed since he didn’t contact me ask much as he use to and we saw each other once a week now. He said he was busy with his own thing and than proceeded saying how this new year he is going to be really busy traveling for work and being part of this charity board and how he wasn’t going to be around a lot and didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. He said the he wasn’t interested in anything serious with me right now and thought it was best if you just broke things off. There wasn’t anything I could say or do except wish him the best. The last thing he said to me was that he always had a great time when we hung out together and wish me the best. It’s been two days since we broke up and I miss him like crazy. I don’t know what happened or what I did wrong. All I keep thinking is he must have lost interest! My friends believe he got scared and how he could have commitment issues and that’s why he ran. I don’t know but I have strong feelings for him and care for him. What can I do to get him back if that is even a possibility???? Please help someone!

Answer
Dear Sabrina,

I would definitely stop reaching out to him and let him reach out to you.  If he lost interest there really isn't anything that you can do about it.  You need to maintain your own self dignity and self respect through this difficult time.  When someone is into you they want to spend time with you, want to be with you, etc.  If you don't reach out to him and your phone isn't ringing then you need to just move on.  You may be getting angry because you want more from this situation then he is giving you and you are accepting the crumbs that he is handing you.  Start to get empowered by not giving him all of the power ~ take back your power.  Good Luck