Expert: Dr. Dan - 2/15/2010

Question
So i was seeing this girl at my workplace, bad idea work and pleasure dont mix. I know now!!

Anyway after 8 months we had a huge argument (no ones fault, we were just growing apart honestly - i wanted to marry her and she didnt feel the same. ie. love me). so we split. She went her way and i went my way, due to me being heart broken i took a month off before going back to work. Better to have time apart.

So the first week (3 weeks ago) we didnt say much, she sobbed on occasions, but i didnt say anything. But in the second week(2 weeks ago) i was doing my work listening to music and she emailed me to turn it down (she sits behind me). I emailed back with 'lol', Then one colleague who knows about the break up said she is getting annoyed. So i turned it down. I dont think she was ready to talk to me, but was forced.

Following day she decided that it was time for a chat, I wasnt sure about it. But anyway we decided to talk, when I tried to talk to her I overcame with a lot of emotion and sadness. But then she said nothing could ever happen again and we would never get back together. The thing is I never said anything about getting back together, but I imagine she might have heard the music i was listening to. They were all normal chart songs, but these songs are songs I always listen to and used to listen to them very loud. Maybe im being insensitive? I just want normality.

Anyway I replied to her statement telling her im getting over it and have no hard feelings towards her. I broke the conversation because it was getting too much for me, and left.

This week, she tried to speak to me and asked how i was, i just burst out laughing (my tendency for awkward sitations). And asked its a random question? anway said i was fine. Now im thinking atleast we can be cival at work.

Couple of days went by didnt really talk to her as had no reason, and on friday i met her in the hallway, i said "you alright" she snapped back saying "YEAH" and walked away. I was like ok, i have no idea.

Lunch time approached, and fridays i used to join her and her friend. They would normally lunch at 12.30pm, i would go at 1pm and join them, never changed in the 8 months we were dating. But last week was the first time they changed it too 1pm, So I thought they will go at 12.30pm today, i shall go at 1pm we will miss each other, great, no awkwardness. But what i realised was she wasnt moving, so i thought she not having lunch, anyway i go theyre and soon enough they come too, and guess what they had changed theyre time to 1pm also, sitting there with this other guy, never seen him before. Im like 'Ah dude'... are they messing with me? am i reading too much into it? Maybe im getting jealous? I felt uncomfortable to be honest.

Anyway the thing i need to know is, im trying to cival and polite, treating her like any other colleague. But she cant seem to do the same. Why? Does she think i will chase her? She has said she feels nothing for me now, which is good. I have aready been out on a few dates, feel much better. I just dont know what to do at work.

Everything i do i think twice, will she take it like im chasing her.

Since it was valentines day the other day, she came in to work on the 15th Feb and someone had flowers delivered to her. This really hurt, I know we both have to move on. But its barely been a month. Is this for real?

Am just overanalyzing everything?.. i think i am... but the awkwardness is too much... shall i try and talk to her?

Jake

Answer
Im glad to hear that you learned your lesson about dating your co-workers. It is alot like dating your next door neighbor. It sounds like a good idea, until you breakup and you have to see them everyday! Obviously you guys both have some unresolved feeling and you both just need time. Take it one step at a time and try to be an adult about it. Meaning that you must make sure to not play games. If she asks if you are alright, then just respond with "Yes, and thanks for asking. You both need time and space and everything will work out.

Dr. Dan


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