Expert: Dr. Dan - 2/17/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hi Dr. Dan,

In the beginning of January I made the hard decision to break up with my boyfriend. We were dating for about six months. It pretty much turned into a long distance relationship because I leave for three months to go to school, go back for three, then leave again. Everything was fine until I started to get to know him better. I found out a lot about him (from his own mouth) when I first tried to break up with, but could go through with it. He's a very cocky and arrogant guy ( his co-worker warned be about this when we first started dating,but i didn't see it then)and he really doesn't let anything bother him or get in his way of having a good time. When I would try to get one-on-one- dates with him, he'd end up inviting his best friends, or wanting to do something that involved all of us. He told me it was because that was the kind of guy he was, that he liked having a lot of people around and would invite more if he could.
I did admit, my mistake was that this was my first relationship (I'm 19, he's 23) and I maybe over analyzed things and took things to serious- i get that and I had no problem admitting it. It all got to me in the beginning of January, however, when he would rarely call (because that kind of thing doesn't bother him)I feel like it was pulling teeth when I talk with him. I got tired of stressing out over what we were and why we've grown apart. So I ended it and almost felt relieved until he wrote me back a week after the break up taking things that I said and commented on them giving his opinion on how things were. I agreed with some, but when he added "This isn't an attack towards you. I miss you,wish you were here, and  can't wait to continue what we started" I was so confused and asked him what he meant. I never got an answer back from him for about 3-4weeks maybe and just the other day when I asked him not to disrespect me at a place where I work by talking to my female co-workers (i saw a random picture of him there taken the day after I left and we were still together with a female coworker who told me he talks to a lot of girls there). He denied it and says he doesn't go there. I don't know what to think, but he did admit that yes, he was seeing another girl who did not work there. I of course did the stupid thing and called him a lying jerk and told him goodbye. I was and am so hurt by this, I don't get how he can tell me he can't wait to continue what we started yet when I ask him to explain I get no answer for four weeks, only to find out he's seeing someone. I admit, that when I return home in three months i was excited to see him, to try and start over again, but now I'm just very hurt. The kind of hurt you feel like you're never going to get over. I've turned down guys because I wasn't ready- I missed him too much still and I couldn't see myself with anyone else. I don't understand why it's so easy for guys to move on with someone else just like that. I feel like I was used, that everything he's ever told me was complete b.s. A friend said to cut him out of my life and lose all contact, mainly referring to facebook ( stupid i know) because I somehow always end up on his page and my feelings come flooding back again, the good and the bad. I can't bring myself to do it yet. I don't know if it's because it would kill me not knowing if he's with someone or not.Maybe i just want him to see that I'm moving on too, I don't know. I'm just so confused, I don't know what to do. I hope you can help.

Marie

ANSWER: Marie thanks for taking the time to write in and give so much detail on this challenge you are having in your life. I think you already know the answer to this and just need to keep taking it day by day and one step at a time. He was not ready for a relationship. All guys are not like this. So you must get out there and meet these types of guys instead. No rush... Take your time and move on.



Dr. Dan

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---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: You're right. He wasn't ready and I realize he is just looking for a good time. I just couldn't admit it until he did the unthinkable. He wrote on his friends profile how his new girl is the best sex he ever had. Even though this may not be true and they may not even be together, or he wrote it because he was pissed i called him a jerk and he knew I would see it, whatever- there is not excuse. I cut off contact with him and now I'm just looking forward from here. Sad thing is though I still miss the jerk every now and then. For now I'm just doing it like you said-taking it one day at a time. c:

thanks for so much for your time!

Marie

Answer
your welcome Marie and you are correct. Just take it day by day and cut the contact out. Let him write whatever floats his boat on his site or where ever he wants (which is very childish). Just be glad he is not your child anymore ;-)


Learn The Secrets to Attracting The Person of Your Dreams Now!

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