Expert: Harry Ax - 1/12/2012

Question
Hi there,
I am a woman who was dumped. The relationship was aweful but the guy ( we will call him Joe) is awesome. Intersting coincidence is after the breakup I started reading "You are here" a buddhis book. It taught me about back together.  Then the buddhism and I am now a buddhist. I was raised Christain but never clicked with Christianity. Buddhism just makes sense. So my problem was in my relationship i did not trust my boyfriend. I often talked about my ex and my jealousy and insercurity caused  Joe to break up with me. Afterwards I drunkenly called my privious ex and slept with him. When I  told Joe that I slept with my ex he was really upset. Him and I both slept with a few people and then got back together. The same problems of no trust, insecurity and jealousy came back with avengeance. We just recently split. I feel upset but I also feel kind of peaceful. Him and i still talk and I love him. It is so recent. I dont know if we can hang out. I kind of feel like i dont want a boyfriend because i am sort of independent. Our relationship for a while has been sort of long distance so i am usto being alone. But its chating. I mean we chat almost everday. I feel like i dont want to lose that. I also worry about the cheating. I know i need lots of time to get over this man. I think i am weird about exes its like they always come up and I dont want this ex to ruin my next relationship...
I am confused. please help

The thing is I dont want to go back to the old ex. I mean I don't really like him. But Joe is awesome. I just want to make sure that I don't cheat on anyone again because I feel like my insecurity and my mistakes just caused me to lose someone I really care for.

Answer
Yes you are very insecure and you go back to your exes to make yourself feel good. What you need to do is build self-esteem through ways which don´t involve guys. Eg. School, hobbies, friends ect. Then you will be in a better positive situation to find someone long term. If you keep going back to exes you are just prolonging a painful situation. There is a difference between love and addiction.