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How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/I want to break up with bf he doesn't put any effort

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QUESTION: Hi I really need advice right now I was dating a guy at one time I cared a lot. but I found out about his behavior he confessed to me he has severe mental problems at first I was understanding now he just using it as a excuse for us to stay together and I also found out he's diabetic to and doesn't want to take care of his health so i decided to break it off forever he lives in a nursing home for good reason and also my family is concern about me dating him so I am concern as well he always tell me I try not to use u and such after he said all those things and other comments question should I break it off with him forever? Cuz I see no effort and no change and his condition is worsening I just could tell and he said accept me but he doesn't realize it's taking a toll on me so I backed off so my other question is it a wise choice to break it off with someone who is not stable? I think it is but please any advice is needed this would have been my first bf but I am uncertain about him and his mental state I don't trust and can he turn violent?

ANSWER: Hello, Selina

Why is he your boyfriend in the first place? I would let him know you are breaking things off, and be as kind as possible. Then put the attention into yourself, to find out who you are, where you need growth, and get some counseling to help you get there.

Once you are more settled in your own skin, you can find a suitable stable partner to begin a friendship with first. All the best relationships begin with true friendship based on trust, respect, honesty,  deep concern and caring. To have a good friend, learn how to be one.

Best,

Ask Sonya

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for answering the first time I have told him nicely the first time dr. He hung up on me for no reason I can't trust him do to his serious mental illness I don't think he can lead a normal life he always expects people to baby him and such he told me he is independent which I dont see that i know I can't make him seek help he has to try to find it on his own also he never talks much I do must of that and he never listens so do u think I should just walk away quietly? I already told him I don't want to be with u anymore he just doesn't respect my feelings so is it just best to leave with out telling him ? He always crys like a baby I just can't Trust him I don't know what he is capable of and I am never alone with him again thanks for answering the best way u can so please if u have more advice u can answer it I gave more info on this relationship I have broken up with him along time ago again I did all I can do from being nice and honest and he doesn't respect what I have to say thanks again dr.

Answer
HI, listen CAREFUILLY

Plan to leave, but don't tell him anything. People do awful things when being left..... Then when he is gone away for work or for awhile, GO,  and get to a place he would not suspect or be able to find you. Remove your phone tracking so he can't track you. Take your location off FB, LEAVE no trail. Visit a battered woman't shelter and find out more tips on how to leave an abusive relationship without being harmed. And do so quickly....

Let me know you are safe once you complete the above!

Best,

Ask Sonya

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Sonya Snyder

Expertise

All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.

Experience

I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

Education/Credentials
BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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