Expert: Harry Ax - 2/4/2012

Question
QUESTION: So I realize me and Ehsan can't be friends. He hates me. I have never been hated before and I am still addicted to him. I thinks its a combination of love and addiction. I miss him. And I want him to like me. I want to talk to him. I miss having someone. :( You told me to focus on myself and I am trying to go back to school. I just got my BA in english and have not been able to find a job. Anyway I really want to leave him alone because he wants to erase all memory of me and will never think of me without resentment he said yesterday when i called him for the first time in a week. My main issue is lack of trust and jealousy, One of my exes was said to have cheated but he never admited to it.

ANSWER: "I miss having someone". Yes you want someone not just this guy. Leave this guy alone if you really care about him and let him move on, you know within yourself you can't give him what he wants so if you stay in contact with him it's for your own selfish reasons. Of course you miss having someone you are female and females want to have a man in their lives but with you I think you need to take a break and continue improving yourself or you will simply fall into the same traps.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ok your right. I am sad about it. Very sad. The last few years he has been a friend too. I would call him every day and text him. Its just like a whole in my life now. Maybe with time that feeling will go away. But I just dont feel like I am as open with any other friends. I would tell him about my day etc. No one else listens to me like he did. :(

ANSWER: Fill the hole with other things that you are passionate about.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: HOw do I know that when I decide to date again I am ready? How will I know I won't freak out or cheat. I have cheated twice. Once when I dated a gut a few years ago him and I dated for a whole school year then I did not see or talk to him over break. For three months I was away and I wound up cheating. In this last relationship I never outright cheated but when we were on a break I hooked up with an ex. I did not even want to or find enjoyment I was just lonely and upset. I hate being a cheater because it makes me feel low and grimy. I know when it comes to marriage one day I want to be faithful. Do you offer any advice on cheating? In terms of passion I think I will try to fill my life with my family. I moved away for school and just finished I am home visiting and feeling better. I think I really like to be around them.

Answer
Establish a lifestyle that avoids you being lonely so you don't seek ex's to fill this temporary void. That is take up hobbies, work, school that immerses you around people. Have you told the people you cheated on you cheated? Do your friends know? I would come clean to people around you if you really want to change. And tell yourself that if you do cheat you will be honest and tell the person. This may help you to not cheat. You need at least a year I would say of just focusing on yourself and being able to not be lonely without the need for a guy.