How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/Confused and feeling used


I have been seeing this man for the past three years we were engaged to be married in 2010 but broke it off the next year but decided to stay friends. He has had it pretty rough this past three years fighting with his ex wife over visitation so he can visit with his children he doesn't have a car and that is where I come in at. I live with my mother and she has a car and she was letting me use it to take him places like the store and where ever else he needed to go. Well he went to court and the judge told him since he doesn't have a car he would have to find his own way up to where his kids live to pick them up and they live in a different county then he does so knowing Iam really the only person he has that will do anything for him I knew he would try and put it on me to go get his kids on Fri. then take them back home on Sunday and believe me I think I have done more then enough for him this past three years. This past Thursday he text me about not being able to find a ride to go pick up his kids the next day and that it is not right since he does pay for the gas. Two weeks ago he text my mom and asked her if I could take him and she told him ok just this one and only time but the next time he would have to find someone else to do it because she said the responsibility shouldn't fall on me all the time and he thanked her and seemed to be fine with that until this past week he said he was done with alot of people he knows and wouldn't ask for help from anybody else again and since then he hasn't called me or text me unless I text him I have tried to call him but he will not answer the phone and that is not like him he used to text and call me all the time but now nothing. The other night I text him and ask was he mad at me and he said (Iam just done# then I ask if we were still friends and he said #omg yes) then he said I was acting like a high school kid and I told him no I wasn't I just don't understand what is going on with him.So I just feel used by him and now that my mom don't want me using her car every other week to pick up his kids because like she said I should not have to be the one that always has to do it he has turned his back on me do you think he has been using me all this time. I still can't help but miss him and I still do love him god help me.

Hi Julie,

You are reading this all WRONG.

He is doing something noble, please see it - and honor it.

He is stopping asking you and anyone for things BECAUSE he doesn't want to be a burden on anyone, EVEN if it costs him time with his kids which to a dad,  is a huge sacrifice to make.

For you not to see it this way is a big question mark in my mind.

Honor him, and I wish he had more friends who would support his trying to be a good dad. Children's futures are at stake,
when both parents aren't involved in their lives.

This is tragic, especially since he wasn't a moocher and paid for the gas! Why this attitude from you?

Selfish on others parts not to help him with this when they have the means to. Isn't that what is important in life anyway? To help others with the resources we have been blessed with? Wouldn't you want someone to help you if you were in his situation?

We certainly can't take it with us in the end. Better to do good while we can......

Hope you re think this with your mom. In my humble opinion, I think you arr wrong to decide as you did, when the man is trying to do the right thing.  

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Sonya Snyder


All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.


I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

©2016 All rights reserved.