How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/Breaking up

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Question
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 6 years. We have been living together for 4 years and he bought a home last Spring. I have decided to break up with him since he does not want to get engaged/ married in the near future (His brother got married in a civil ceremony a couple of months ago and I told my boyfriend we could make it a double wedding but he just laughed)I have had several discussions over the course of our relationship about engagement/ marriage.

What is the best way to breakup with him? I want to do this in the least painful way for him.

Answer
Hi H,

I am sorry -

My dad always said 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" and there is still something to that.  

It sounds like you have given up, and in that case the very best approach is to move out, be very upbeat, loving and kind, and wish him well. Any conversations should be that when he laughed, you finally understood where he was and it is ok, it told you a lot.  Use as few words and don't explain anything ANYMORE.

Tell him how great it has been to share the past 6 years with him and wish him well.  Tell him you had hoped it would have led to marriage, but if it was not to be, then you respect his wishes and you want to begin dating again and  not close other options to continue to wait for something that he isn't interested in.

THEN DO THIS.  Get on Go Fish on line dating, have friends (not of his) fix you up and go have FUN and be the center of attention.  No heart strings, just light fun dating.  Immerse yourself in things you want to do - and DO THEM with JOY. Force yourself if you have to at first.

And don't call him EVER. Let him call you. And if he wants to see you, it's ONLY if you are free. Short notice meetings or dates aren't acceptable, you already have plans.  Make him work for you - and  be sweet, kind and very womanly when you speak or see him. But, he now has to make ALL the moves and jump through your busy dance card of hoops, and you aren't waiting and too busy for many of them anymore, because your dance card is FULL!  All of a sudden, there will be a big hole where you used to be. He can fill it with seeking how to get you back (make him work HARD at this, and be kind and sweet but very non committal - FEW WORDS!

Might just get that marriage after all. And if not, then you still win, because you will be miles ahead of where you are now. And No more time wasted  on that dead end.  

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Sonya Snyder

Expertise

All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.

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I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

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BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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