How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/Help with depressed ex-GF


My fiance has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way. We are on a break now and I am waiting for her to be ready to talk. I am respecting her space. She told that I have been the perfect boyfriend.

Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc.

She says she wants to see me but I haven't heard from her. It's hard waiting for her.Should I give her more space?

My friends think that she is crazy about me but she has issues. She is seeing a therapist. I love her and I want to support her. What can I do?

HI Indy

What a great guy! You ARE being a great boyfriend.

Tell her you will give her the space she needs, then give her that space and do not contact her but respond when she contacts you.

Then again  should she and you decide differently, you both can agree to  stay close and even go to counseling with her if it will help.

She is right - a person cannot be a healthy partner is they aren't content in their own skin.  Let her know you will support her if she lets you know how best to do that, then do that.  Also check some symptomology here to know better what you are dealing with, possibly:

In some cases, helping may mean backing off.

But you are also a important component all by yourself - care for yourself fully - You also must decide what you are willing to do and give, in this relationship, and how it affects you and your life.  In most cases, the partner's issues are deep,  experience-caused and often childhood based, and have nothing to do with the partner (you), so do not take it personally, even though it affects you personally.

I hope this gives you some food for thought - keep me posted as to how it goes, and thanks for a refreshing example of a great guy!  

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Sonya Snyder


All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.


I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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