How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/My break-up
So, my boyfriend and I had been together for just under a year when we broke up. I had met him a few years back, and at the time I was very attracted to him, but he was going through the "party stage", and I withheld from a relationship with him. Well, then this past year we started catching up. He had joined the army, and told me that he finally realized that I was what he wanted, and that he had changed for the better and was following God with his life. Needless to say, I believed him, and I'm the type of girl that wears my heart on my sleeve, so I went all out for the relationship. He was sweet and kind, but he did have his flaws. Our relationship was as perfect as a long distance relationship could be, but he started getting discouraged as we got more serious. I started making all the effort to keep things going between us, initiating phone conversations and skype video chats. Then, in the very beginning of December I planned a trip for us for his birthday (with his mom tagging along as well). He asked me if I would want to come down beforehand that weekend and go to the military ball with him. Of course I was ecstatic to go. I flew down to Georgia where he was stationed and had an amazing night at the ball with him. The weekend we spent together was great, short-lived, but great. But I also have some regrets about the weekend...I told myself I would never "be" with a man till I was married, but things got too serious between us that weekend...we were both very emotional the last day we spent together, both crying and such because he was soon to deploy..He cried in my arms 3 times in one day before we had to say goodbye. He told me he loved me more than anything else in this world...Then things changed after he left. Since October I had been dealing with a mild depression because of the stress of being in school and also because of not being able to be with him in person. He didn't know how to handle that. Since we had been intimate that weekend I was even more emotional when he had to leave. I know that I started being somewhat clingy, but he pulled away so much that I didn't know how to handle it. He ignored phone calls, texts, then when we did talk on the phone he was mad when I got upset that he left me on hold for a half hour while talking to one of his friends on the other line. I told him that what we had done the weekend before was wrong, and he said that we should just stop doing things that weren't good. I told him that I felt like I was falling away from God and he basically told me that it was my fault that I was putting him before God and that I needed to deal with it because I knew what I was doing wrong. We got into a large argument over the phone about how he was supposed to be the leader spiritually, and I started crying on the phone. Meanwhile he was laughing at his roommate's comments in the background. We said our goodbyes during that phone call...then he came home for leave at Christmas, and I gave him another chance to make things right. I basically got used. He was very angry with me because we were going to get engaged and apparently I ruined it all by dumping him. He called me heartless before he left, but also told me I deserved better than him. His family started drama with me, and got very angry with me as well. I tried to handle it all in stride, and keep my head up. The last time we talked was in the beginning of January, but I can't seem to work through the confusion of it all. I've prayed and prayed, talked to people, and tried to keep my head up. I just feel guilty for leaving him before a deployment, and feel guilty for not sticking by his side when he was struggling too. I know God commands me to be with a godly man, and I thought he was the man I'd marry. I'm just hurting horribly. I was already going through a depression, then God threw me for a loop and told me he wasn't the guy for me. My life is now a whirlwind. I have moved halfway across the world with my sister and her husband (it was planned before the break-up), lost my best-friend, now losing some of my other friends as well because God has shown me that they aren't the right friends to have, plus dealing with a broken heart, and the anniversary of my father's death in a few days. I'm just so lost. I feel like God is silent right now. I don't know how to fully heal. Some days I'm fine, but lately it's just been plain hard to get through the day without crying, or to go to sleep without having to cry myself to sleep...Any advice would be appreciated.
Please stop beating yourself up for what you feel was a mistake. It happens... we all make mistakes and God does forgive us. IF this guy treats you the way that you describe in your email (and I suggest you re-read the email a few times) he doesn't deserve you. Please don't feel guilty for breaking up with him before a deployment. He was disrespecting you and the fact that you ended the relationship was probably the best thing you could have done for yourself and he is trying to pull at your heart strings and make you feel guilty. Please don't allow that to happen. After spending time with a man.. the right man... we shouldn't feel used. We shouldn't feel that "icky" feeling. When we speak to them they want to speak to us, they want to answer us, they want to treat us properly. The one thing that he said that is accurate is that you made your own choice to put him before God. No one else can make you do that. You've had a lot of changes go on recently and you could be scared and feeling vulnerable. You deserve to be treated the right way. The next time (if you have to have one) that he puts you on hold... please hang up. Continue to respect yourself..... when you act in a way that doesn't flow with how you would normally act you will get mad at yourself especially if the outcome isn't the one you want. Embrace the changes that are going on in your life, congratulate yourself from removing the drama, and do what makes you happy. Time and no contact is the only thing that is going to make you heal... Every day is going to get a little easier if you have no contact with him or his family... every day you will heal a little more. You can't expect yourself to feel 100% when so much has happened in such a short period of time... One day at a time... Good Luck and God Bless..