How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/the ex is confused - me too
I met a girl Jessie 2.5 years ago while I was in a long distance relationship with someone else. We became friends, intimate a couple of times, but I couldn't break it off with the long distance because I wasn't mature enough. Jessie eventually found out about the long distance relationship and was very upset. We parted ways but stayed in touch. I eventually broke off the long distance relationship and moved to another city. Jessie and I then became a couple and dated in a long distance capacity (although she spent a considerable amount of time at my house as she was able to work remotely) for about 8 months until I just felt like I wasn't ready to get married like she was so we kind of just sputtered out, nothing dramatic. During all this time she had trust issues with me because of the fact that I was in another relationship when we met.
It's now been 6 months since we broke up. I saw her in a visit to her city by chance and we talked. She seemed a bit uneasy but I felt there was something there and we began talking more consistently and making what I would consider progress. After 2 months of this communication I saw her last weekend and she informed me that she was dating someone else (a friend of hers who I knew about while we were dating-she swears they weren't together while we were a couple-I believe her).
This was obviously very hurtful as I felt we were making progress. She expected me to storm out and leave, but I didn't and we talked for quite a while about it. She is currently in the relationship but she said she wasn't committed to it long-term, not in love. Before I left she told me she loved me, but was scared. She was also unwilling to break it off right now just because I wanted her back again. She's still convinced as soon as she commits to me I would recoil again and leave her alone. To be clear, I would marry this woman. Some things have happened in my life and I am now ready for this commitment. I told her I wasn't sure I could continue talking to her and she interpreted that as an ultimatum and a sign that I didn't really care about the relationship or respect her feelings.
So here we are in March and we are still talking 2 weeks after our heart-to-hear. She is moving for a job in 2 months and will be quite close to me. She sends me apartment listings constantly, asks me if I will come visit and generally asks for my feedback in this process. She's also made suggestions that she could telecommute from my city and be with me for 4 days a week. I guess I appreciate that, but I sort of feel like I'm just a crutch for her in this scary time because the other guy isn't stepping up. I'm conflicted because my ego is involved and I've created all these scenarios where I'm being used. She also told me that she is very anxious and upset because she now thinks I am dating other people although she realizes she has no right to be upset about that considering she is dating someone.
What do I do in this situation? I am being as supportive as I can from afar, showing her that I am willing to commit and support her in her transition, but it bothers me that she is still with this guy and I feel like she's kind of stringing me along. I also have a couple of women with whom I am just friends here, but could see myself pursuing. It feels dumb to "wait around" but I just don't know. She will be moving in two months. How would you advise me to proceed with her?
Hi....I would recommend moving on with your life.... if things are meant to be they will be. Look how you guys got back into each others lives after all of this time....Thus....she had to get over you when you were going through your situation. It is going to be difficult to stay friends with her if you have strong feelings for her. I would suggest letting things play out the way they are supposed to...Good Luck