How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/Should I stay as friends with him or just move on?
QUESTION: Hi Erica. This is the thing. I had a bf who is 12 yrs older than me, he broke up with me because I treated him the wrong way (I was not that sweet to him, did not give him a gift for his birthday, treated him like a driver when he used to drive me home, etc). By the way, I am 21 and he's 33, he is separated from his wife and they have a 10-yr-old son. Since I realized after the breakup that I love him, I begged and pleaded to take me back, but he insisted that he was not ready yet for another relationship or to get back with me. He asked for distance but instead, I bugged him and I still gave him gifts for Christmas and Valentines. We never lost communication because before we became a couple, we were bestfriends. But one day, he said that he wanted to make love with me. But I told him that I would only do that after marriage, he asked me to marry him next year, but because I'm only 21 and still focuses on my career, I asked him to wait for me in 5 years, but he said that he can't do that. So we decided to stay as friends, only time will tell if we are the ones for each other. But we still contact and see each other, which makes it harder to move on. But I am worried that if I would not see or text him, our friendship will die.. help me
ANSWER: Hi....your friendship may end if you end all contact with him, but you will feel better about yourself. It hurts too much to try and stay friends with someone when you want more and he is unwilling to give you the relationship. Please don't beat yourself up to much because he's not that hurt if he wants to continue to have sex with you. If you stop all communication...one of two things will happen....he will realize how much he misses you and come back or he will stay away and you will feel so much better.... But...you have to stay away to figure that out....Its hard but your only option....Your 21....enjoy your life....
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QUESTION: Does it mean that we should give each other spaces? So that when he found a new woman, at least I have moved on? Yeah, I realized when I would sometimes contact him, feeling like a jealous gf, asking his whereabouts, bugging him to reply, even calling him, and I can't help but feel sorry for myself that it's like I'm forcing myself to him. While he, on the other hand, seems like no longer worries about me, and no longer into me. I love him still and I can't help it but reply to his text messages. But at the end of the day, I would find myself crying. I know that I should no longer be like that. And I have to detach myself to him so my wounds would also heal. There is so much pain in my head and heart, making me a paranoid, thinking that he's with someone when he's not replying to my text messages. But these past few days, I really concentrated on my job, because it's already being affected too. I would only reply to him when I'm done with my job, or to inform him when I'm going home. Help me Erica. I'm really confused. I know that in my age, I should be focusing on my career and less on love life. I want to take a long rest, just enough for my heart to recover. Love should be easy, if it's mine it will find me. And since he already broke up with me, I should really set him free. But it's as if he wants to keep me around, to stay as friends maybe. I can be friends with him but only when I have moved on and when I have accepted that we are better off as friends. :(( By the way, thank you for your helpful answer.
Congratulations... you have answered all of your own questions. Give yourself time to recover, but don't do it at the expense of your job because you will regret it in the future. It is normal and ok to feel sad and cry. We have all felt that way. When we love someone and it doesn't work out for whatever reason it is sad. I would have NO CONTACT with him for a long period of time until you heal and then you probably won't even want to have contact with him. Good Luck..