How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/How do I break up with him?


I've been dating this guy for the past 2 years. We've always been long distance, we live in separate states. We only get to see each other a few times a year. He's madly in love with me, and I used to think I was too until I started getting bored with the relationship and seeing other guys behind his back which was easy to do since we live so far away.
I cheated on him with two guys last year, and I tried to keep it a secret from my boyfriend, but a few weeks ago he got ahold of my Facebook password and read through my messages. He found out about the two guys I cheated on him with. He told me that he still wants to be with me because he loves me, but that his trust in me is completely shattered and he feels like he got stabbed in the heart and he's still not recovered from it. Our relationship has been totally different since he found out. There's no trust there whatsoever.
And... for good reason. Since he found out, I continued to see other people. About a week after he found out, I made out with my brother's best friend and we had a thing going on for a little bit. Then just recently, I started seeing my ex again who I'm still seeing currently and have been for a few weeks. We've kissed, cuddled, held hands, etc. and I really really like him. Also, I've been talking to a lot of guys online who want to meet me and who I'm somewhat interested in as well. So needless to say, I'm a mess right now and in no place to be in a serious relationship. I'm young, about to go into my first year of college. I don't want to be bound to a serious relationship and feel guilty about every guy I see. I want to live my life.
I really want to break up with my boyfriend. But he still thinks we're gonna get married and have kids one day, and be together forever. But I have absolutely zero attraction towards him, and I'm so interested in other people right now. Everything about my boyfriend annoys me, and I actually feel sick to my stomach when I think of the times I've gotten physical with him and I literally have to force my mouth to say the words "I love you too" to him on the phone. But I know that if I broke up with him, his world would be shattered. Not only that, but I hate change. I hate it so much. Every single night for the past 2 years we talk on the phone, and text all day. He is something familiar and comfortable, someone who was always there when I was feeling lonely or bored. If I broke up with him I wouldn't have that anymore. And I HATE the thought of him being with another girl for some reason, even if I don't like him like that anymore. The thought of him loving another girl makes me really sad. Idk why. I want to remain in touch with him even after we break up, because I'm not the type of person who can get to know someone so well and then all of a sudden never talk to them again.
So I have a few questions. Do you think I should break up with him? Also, if I do break up with him, should I tell him about the other guys I've been seeing or should I just leave that out? And how can I break up with him in a way that we still remain in contact and still be friends? I'm sorry this was long but thanks so much for your time!

Dear GAbby

This may seem harsh, but I am being honest with you.

He is a great find. He has proven he is a true friend and that he really loves you. That is rare in the world. Most any guy will desire romance and excitement, but that gets old real quick when they start doing and treating you how you are trashing the true love offered you...

However, you are not the kind of person your boyfriend is. And, you won't be, possibly, for decades if ever. You are trying to prove something about yourself to yourself and are using men to do it. That will have a sad lonely unhappy ending for you -  but you will not likely admit this or see it, or want to change until you are broken and wondering why....  If I were you I'd get into counseling to find out what happened in your past to make you rationalize your lifestyle as you do now and why you crave this kind of shallow attention while disposing of  and trashing the real thing.

In the meantime, PLEASE do one right decent thing -

Cut this guy lose and stop torturing him. Tell him the truth and all about the guys you've been with because you want to be a party girl and just have fun.  Tell him it has nothing to do with him (because it doesn't) and that you just aren't ready for a mature, one-person relationship and will continue to cheat if you stay with him.

He deserves a love that wants and can reciprocate like he can give, and not to be treated so shallow by someone who just wants to use him as a spare when she wants something when no one else is available.....  It's kind of like trashing a Mercedes to go four-wheeling with, and driving a beat up Jeep to go to the opera in.... Cut the Mercedes loose to be waxed and loved by an appreciative girl.  

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Sonya Snyder


All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.


I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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