How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/Reconcile?

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Question
Hi Im a 24 year old female. I was in a relationship for a year and a half. My ex started to pull away it seems and eventually ended the relationship by saying he wasnt in love with me. I was devastated and proceeded to cut all contact with him. Now and then he would message me apologisng and asking if we could be friends. He said I was the best thing that ever happened to him (we had become bestfriends during our relationship). I said no I asked him to no longer contact me it had been 3 months since we broke up. He sent me another msg saying he couldnt do this. He thought about me constantly he dumped me but couldnt get over me. Eventually he has asked me if I would like to try again...he said he liked me and had loved me initially but as the relationship went along there were things that bothered him that he never talked to me about. Now I still have feelings for this guy but I'm not willing to go through the turmoil of being with someone less committed. He took me to hell and back. On the other hand I just feel like it isnt the end of us. We kept so many of our concerns hidden that it ate away at what we were....I'd like to start over and build a new relationship based on honesty and one where I respect myself and recognise my value. I refuse to change myself for him but if he has valid concerns I'll try to address them. I guess I'm asking if my approach is all wrong?

Answer
Hello Remington!

One cannot build a new relationship by one's self. Don't get the "cart before the horse."

He says he" likes" you (big red flag), had some concerns. Some men mean they want to start again, some just come back after the one they saw after you dumped them, OR they are just crazy egoists and it bothers them that you didn't mind them going because you didn't chase after them.

Good for you, for not chasing after him, no matter how you felt.  

Play it cool, don't share your soul, take it slow, make him come to you and open up about the issues and share his soul. Make him WIN you..... cause you are worth it.....Consider what he says - is it true? Real? Changeable? Do you want this?  Is it a fair compromise you both want?

I wouldn't give my heart again, unless he is willing to commit long term and LOVES YOU, and is IN LOVE too. It's just too too painful any other way. ALL in or ALL out.  

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Sonya Snyder

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All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.

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I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

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BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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