How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/I hate that I love him.


Ok so about 3 months ago my ex broke up with me. He says he didn't feel a spark and he wanted to try to start over but then just ended up being like I don't know we'll see. So I just moved on tried to live life. But I just felt empty. Contacted him again a month ago and he said he guesses he just didn't deserve how well I treated him. When I say "perfect girlfriend" I mean I was perfect. Cooking, cleaning, helping him with his work, his family, his friends anything and everything. We'd been on and off for four years "talking" and finally thought this time would be different and decided to date. Like our whole relationship was getting better and stronger for 5 months then one day he just quit when two days before he was picking flowers for me. He's the type of guy who had no money, everyone says he has no future including his friends and isn't cute. I'm the type of girl who love designer bags, wants to succeed, and super beautiful. People said I could have anyone but I wanted him. When I was with him I wanted the best for him and I helped him to do better. His life was better. I saw the little bit in him that not everyone saw I saw greatness in him if he'd just try but he just doesn't. I care about him so much. He made me a better person as well. He made me see that it's not whats on the outside but inside, I'm more patient, more honest, extremely faithful, more caring, giving, that I'm not just a pretty girl for sex, he just brings out the best in me. We've got soo many things in common it's crazy! our initials even similarly match, I feel like he's my other half. I've taken every are you meant to be, are you soulmates quiz, read every signs you're meant to be article and everytime it's yes yes yes yes yes. My problem is that it's been 3 months and I'm still thinking about him everyday. I've talked to other guys but they just aren't the same like I find I have nothing in common, they are just wierd or just want to have sex. Every other time I've been out of a relationship it takes me like two weeks to find another guy I like or have common things with. Now nothing nobody. Am I just absolutely crazy should I just move on but I honestly can't. He's the only guy I've ever felt this way about if he lost both his legs and burned his face Id still be by his side, or even his arms. And I didn't think I'd ever say that! Like I love him unconditonally and it sucks. I see him every other day and my friend says she sees him staring at me sometimes. I've tried to talk to him but he never texts back after the first few. I feel like he was just confused I mean when we used to date he'd always say he doesn't think, and that's what I was there for to help him lol. But I've tried all I can and It hurts feeling so empty and knowing that someone I care about is probably just going to go downhill, which from what I've heard after we broke up its true. Like he got in a car drunk wreck the week after we broke up. I feel this deep guy feeling we're meant to be. Is this just a phase, how can I stop it. I was going to start being nice to his friends and looking at him a little bit try to work my way back in get him to realize what I do.  Am I just wasting me time? I feel like it's his choice and maybe I can't chane how he feels but I honestly can't stop thinking about him and I feel wierd lol like I'm crazy for still thinking about him as much as I do. Help please and thank you?

Hi Clara,

There's a good movie out - "He's just not that into you" and you should watch it. Guys are simple. They also like a challenge. Like to work for the prize so to speak. Your doing everything makes that an easy catch and also, not a valuable one, sad but true. It's why he could let you go after you were "perfect." He didn't want perfect, guys want to have to run through fire for their prize, to "win" it.

Girls often don't understand this and at the same time are often puzzled that often, really non-perfect girls get the great guys because they can act just fine and well-put together, confident and nice, but not always doing and giving to the guy as you were, but busy and excited and happy with their own lives, so the guy has to really work to get on her dance page, if you know what I mean.   

Sad but true. Most guys are waffle brained, and this is how it really works. If he let you go, he just wasn't into you and didn't feel he had to work for you, since you did everything for him, which made him lazy and also, not inclined to do much to keep you.  If you try to show him what he's missing, or try to do more for him, it will just not ever work out.

Close the door, move on, and get some counseling for the grief of letting the hope die and moving forward with YOUR life and why you were willing to sacrifice all for a guy who couldn't return your affections but just took all of yours.

When you heal , consider going very slow, and understand that guys have to win the prize, you, to value it.  Don't need a guy, just enjoy them for now.  

And start aiming higher. You want a guy who compliments/agrees with you on these fronts: Politically, how many children, financial means, religiously, and how you keep a home, what family means, what dedication and honor means, etc. and how to be a GENTLEMAN.

Let me know how it goes!  

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Sonya Snyder


All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.


I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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