How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/need help

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QUESTION: hi,
i have problem telling u with a story.when i was  in high school i fell in love with a girl i became too much serious in small period of time.she left me alone after some days.i was very sad and heart brookn then i try to become more stronger and practical in my graduation studies i met some one i think we were good friends .our bond was very strong.that girl fell in love with me and one day we kiss surprisingly,she proposed me, but i was not in love.she really loves me but i don't want to give her false hope but we decide we will be good friends.after some time me also develop very strong feelings for her,very strong i love her so much but few days later she told me that she is in relationship with another guy.i was heartbroken very depress because she is my best of the best friend and i love her soo much.i tell her about my feelings,she feel very regret she also told me that she really likes me and want to come in relationship but she wouldn't  want to cheat tha another guy.that guy is really nice and care her very much but according to her and me this is morally wrong,i don't know how to tackle situation,i fell in love after such a long time and that love is true i respect both girl and other guy .but now it seems life very difficult without her.she also told me that she would.nt want to leave me and make a relation of best friend.plz help me what to do
thank u narinder

ANSWER: Hello Narinder

It seems that she has to choose between you and this other man.

She needs to decide which man she wants to pursue a relationship with. Meet with her and ask her to think about what she wants, and to let her know that though you were slower in coming to the realization that you loved her too, because  you had been hurt before, you now realize what true love is and want to begin anew with her. Ask her to think about this and to let you know her choice.

Then what ever the choice is, let her know you love her and be a gentleman either way.  If it is yes, you have done a good thing and acted wisely. If her answer is no, wish her all the best in her new life and for much happiness and then leave, and do not contact her again, let her go with dignity. God has for you who you should be with.  It could be a number of people who could fulfill this lifelong role for you. Though the ache may be deep, take what you have learned from this and grow into an even greater understanding of who you are and what you want in your future.

Let me know how this goes! And what her answer is.

best,  
Ask Sonya

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks a ton for your reply,
i told her everything that how much i love her and my deep feelings.she also said that she loves me more and likes me more than the another guy.But she can't take a decision to break relationship with that guy.she took her decision after so many confusion one she told me that she will breakup with her and on the other day she told me that she realize that will be wrongful act and she wouldn't be satisfied in her life but she also take promise from me that we will be good friends like we were.for me its really difficult situation the person i am loving so much is front of me and i can't give her my love that i am filled with for her.I don't know what to do,to leave her and move on or to be with her as a good friend.Both decisions are very difficult for me.please suggest
Narinder

Answer
Hello Narinder,

I am sorry the response you received wasn't the one you had hoped for, but at least now you KNOW her wishes.

Please respect them and move on. Now is the time. And it is true, you cannot really be friends while you are in love with her- you must detach and heal first and become whole.

I would honor her wishes but remove myself from really ever being too close. Move your routine so as not to run into her. Do not call text email or communicate anything more than the weather.  

Truly focus on your well being and healing. Seek out counselors in your area who can walk you through this and do a personal review with you of where you are and where you want to be. Then begin to move and affect actions that get you towards these personal goals.  

One never knows why some things turn out the way they do, but I have found that in many cases, "better" is just around the corner.

Perhaps God has a better option for you, as this one is closed.  Be a gentleman and a class act and move on, grow, and heal and learn what you can from this, so you can come back to an even wiser you, more content in your skin,  to face life with.

All The Best to You,

Ask Sonya

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Sonya Snyder

Expertise

All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.

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I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

Education/Credentials
BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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