How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/Break up

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Hi Sonya
  I dated a guy we met for a coffee and got on really well.We then met again for date had few drinks at a lovely bar.The date went really well had so much in common he even said.How relaxing and enjoyable it was,he was just out of a 5 year relationship.It was just 7 mouths for him since he broke up from his ex when we met.He has a job that has him being busy and I think that also was the part of the reason we broke up because he had mentioned now and again how in work he's busy.But come the next week after our date he mentioned of meeting for a coffee but ended up canceling.It came anyway to him saying he's not ready for dating and it's not fair to lead me on.He said he'd gladly stay in contact and friends if I wanted to. Two days after that text I got from him.I got a text in the middle of the night,you see I got all dressed up before my date with him.And in our confrontation it came up about what I was going to wear.He suggested to wearing stocking with what I was going to wear.Anyway back to when he sent a text to me, in the middle of the night. In his text He asks "hi are you in your stocking" I thought whats going on.Never thought I get a text like that from him.I relied and he replyed back "I'm out with my Brother and Uncle, I want you in your stockings". Thought after the text why would I be getting a text like that from him. After him telling me,he's not ready to date not to ready move on just yet .Later the next day, he text me.Turned out he was out for the night having a few drinks.He said in the "sorry about the  text last night I had a few on me was out with my Brother and Uncle". I replied trying to be act cool about but was delighted about the text in the middle of the night wasn't expecting it at all. Instead of saying to him why did you sent a text like that,to me after you telling me your not ready for dating.Instead I just told him No worries I have now another lovely pair of stockings.I was afraid to question him why he did what he did. Thought if I stayed cool and behave not needed.After getting a text like that from him I'd come across better to him, thought being clingy and needy with would be a turn off to him. I'd  really like to know,what you think of all that.After him not wanting to date to getting a next like that from him. Why would he do that?

Thank you so much for your time.

Answer
Hello Julie-Ann

Let me get this right -

A guy leads you on, then says he isn't ready, backs off,  then texts you degrading comments.

One wonders what he said of you to his uncle and brother, if that is what he texted you while with them...

He is no prize and you side-swiped a loser. Consider yourself lucky. I would not have any contact with him in the future. Why would you even try to get him to consider you, when he has shown you who he really is? Is this someone you would actually want a life with? It would be a life of hell.  

Do you really want the bottom of the barrel, or a loving caring male companion? Guess what? He can never be that guy. He is a player and doesn't respect women except for sex. But then again, it's hard to respect a woman who doesn't respect herself or have proper boundaries.

For example, how far off were you from the proper response to his text,  which would have been to tell him that it was none of his business what you wear or with who, and to not call or text you again?

Learn some boundaries and self respect, before you open yourself  up to more abusive actions from  another loser, or worse. Try reading this before ANY more dating:

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454  

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Sonya Snyder

Expertise

All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.

Experience

I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

Education/Credentials
BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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