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How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/Are these terms to end a relationship?


Hi, my name is Isa and I have some concerns.

I am 20 years old and have been dating my 21 year old boyfriend for 5 months now.
I have an extremely complex situation. We were set up by a mutual friend, and within the first week of dating I had already met his parents, moved in and said the big "L" word. (This was done quickly and I do acknowledge that. We were fine really and I was sincerely happy. We lived together and then situations happened.
He had just began the job he had when we first met. He ended up getting fired because he wore his facial piercing to work. His car was repossed shortly after because he hadn't made a payment in over 4 months. This left my paid off car as our only vehicle. I did not mind at first. I figured we could work together to find him a cheap used car.
Recently, I was laid off from my factory job and my license was suspended because I never received a letter to go to traffic school. So now I am stuck in the house, unemployed. That's the situation.

I have began to get annoyed because he is extremely messy and I'm a neat freak. He comes home and leaves his clothes laying around. He has done dishes twice since we've lived together. He forgets to turn in his time card on numerous occasions. Whenever we are home together he plays video games constantly. He also is very immature and I sometimes feel like I'm his mother. He doesn't treat me badly and even supports me while I am looking for employment.

My question is, are all of these red flags and reasons to break up? I have applied for college and want to pursue cosmetology. I do love him but I don't know if he stays in the relationship solely because if I was gone he would have no vehicle. I don't know if he is one of those that wants commitment so bad that it doesn't matter with whom he has it. And I don't think I should have to clean up after him, have home cooked meals prepared every night for him after work, simply because he works. Which is his reasoning for not doing housework. However when I had a job I still cleaned and cooked for the both of us.

I apologize for the lengthy details and any advice offered would seriously be appreciated. Thank you for your time and energy.

Hi Isa

Many issues here.

It's why you don't jump into a relationship so fast. You should take time to go slow and really get to know the person,  just on the grounds of who they are, their motivations for life, their dreams, desires and goals.... LOTS of talking only, before any L word or anything physical, so you can walk away when things show themselves to not be what you want.

At this stage, you jumped in without knowing someone at all, and are kinda stuck with no job and all.

In effect you are his mommy.

Sit down and have a talk with him. Ask to set rules and boundaries you both can agree to. If one makes the dinner the other cleans up, or both clean up every night. Who does laundry, dishes, dusting, etc. How bills are paid. How the house is kept and that messy isn't working...and here is what you want - this basket for your clothes, not all over the floor, are not his mom........

You might also have to change some things. Stop acting like his mom for one thing. Go for partner.

If you can work out these details, it might work. It will take time and he will slip, but it's the consistent improvement, or lack thereof , towards these goals,  that can show if this will work of not.  

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Sonya Snyder


All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.


I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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