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How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/breaking up with girlfriend gently


Hello, my issue is that I am trying to figure out how to break up with my girlfriend and I am not sure how to do so. My problem is that it is not that she is cheating or anything like that it is just that I have found that I am not ready for the kind of relationship she wants this to be. She wants a long term relationship and I feel as though I am not ready. I have been with this girl before and the reason I find this so hard is that I do care for her it just feels as if I am always wearing some kind of restraints. For example: once before she had accused me of cheating on her with a friend when we were playing Angry Birds, and that is all we did, her accusation held no water.  To be honest she is kind of a psycho. The first time we were together and we split she was ready to kill me herself and the person she accused me of cheating with. Thankfully she didn't hurt anyone including herself but I am concerned she may do so this time. Anything will be helpful.

Hi Kyle

You may be dealing with a person with some mental disorders and fears of abandonment. Whether you cheat or not, the reaction she is having is telltale. Pain at loss and cheating can cause people to react strongly, and only you can tell if this is normal angry grief or something more that could harm you and her.

Pre-plan your safety before you tell her, because she may try to do you actual harm.  You may even have to move. At least change the locks, your phone number and other things related,  and be very aware of your surroundings for months after. Let people know when to expect you, in case something happens. Visit with a battered shelter and ask for advice on how to go "No Contact" to be safe.

When you have protected yourself and secured a way not to have her be able to access you, and you are ready, protect yourself and break up with her in a public place - a coffee shop, etc, and have friends know where you are, or even be around as witnesses on the side.

Be polite, say it isn't working for you, you wish her well and that you do not wish to see her anymore. Be clear, firm and respectful. Then leave.  If she continues to try to reach you, file a restraining order. Keep good records.

I wish you all the best.  

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Sonya Snyder


All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.


I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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