You are here:

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/How to know if this relationship is a rebound?


I have been with a girl for 4 years 3 of which we have been engaged it wasn't working at all in the last year and we were fighting almost every day and for a month she wanted a break-up and I didn't but I finally saw that we weren't meant for each other and I broke up with her that was one month ago after that I didn't feel depressed or anything that I was expecting on the contrary I was relieved and I was starting to feel happy as if I already started moving on in the last period of our messed up relationship. My fiance called me after a week and wanted us to be back together and she regretted her decision but I didn't want that because we tried a lot before and we've given it a lot of chances and it never worked and neither of us is happy now and I donít remember the last time we were happy. Ever since we broke up there is this one girl that was always there for me I've known her almost as long as my ex-fiance because she was kind of related to her "their siblings were married" I've always liked that girl and we used to spend so much time together before and my fiance was always jealous of her but now I'm starting to feel like I'm falling in love with her we have so much in common and we talk every day from the moment we wake up till we sleep. This is also very complicated because of her being related to my fiance and I don't want to rush into a new relationship because it might be a rebound but what if this is real love?
She also broke up with her boyfriend 2 days after my break up.


my deepest apologies for having not gotten back to you sooner. Unfortunately, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems like this relationship is completely rebound. While I don't like throwing that term around, it truly seems so in this case. Before you and your ex-fiance broke up, you hadn't thought of this young lady. In fact, you mentioned yourself that you were feeling rather relieved despite contrary to belief that you would be devastated. This means that you were obviously not feeling the relationship entirely from maybe the start of its birth. This excitement and relief is a good sign, however. You feel good about your decision, which translates into clarity that you made the right choice by not being together.

However, with that being said, this new girl is just a euphoric image. You do not actually love her; I'd be careful with how often you are throwing that word around. What you ARE feeling is excitement, and empowerment from this new crush that you have developed. She is something new, she is something fresh and she isn't your ex-fiance who by the way, brought a lot of drama, anger and unhappiness to your life, which darkened your mood quite often leaving you feeling this much relief post break-up. You are confusing infatuation with love, which is a common mistake in the Western culture. You do not know her and what you do know are basic fundamental facts about where she comes from. I would say take a break from the dating pool for a while since you just got out of a serious relationship (a long one at that). Women do not tend to take men like you (someone who just got out of an engagement) too seriously, since you have just been invested in such a deep relationship. There is something healing that needs to take place here, even though you were not crying to get back together shortly thereafter. While I appreciate that you may be feeling excited about this woman, I also see the truth behind it all and hope that you will see it too.

Good luck,

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




Any questions pertaining to relationships and break ups and how to deal with the aftermath of a break up. Break ups themselves require intense coping mechanisms to deal with the immense pain, which are ones in which I have dealt with myself personally and have researched extensively to be more well equipped.


Have been and is currently an Allexperts volunteer who deals with relationships and relationship issues daily. I have also myself gone through a tough break up from a relationship that lasted 5 years.

Allexperts Chai Life Line

Bachelors of Arts from York University Canadian Certified Teacher from Niagara University

Past/Present Clients

©2016 All rights reserved.