How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/I don't know how..

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Question
It has 41 days since my ex fiance broke up with me. It was sudden and unexpected, I never saw it coming. 3 days later I discovered why. He had been cheating on me with a girl he works with for weeks, maybe months. He had a relationship with this girl. Gave her jewelry, told her that he loved her, talked about me. Now the two of them are in a relationship together. Jay and I were together for four years. I love him and his son with every piece of me. I put a lot of effort into developing a relationship with his autistic son and the thought of another woman spending time with him and acting as his step-mom the way I have for the past four years makes me crazy. Since learning that Jay cheated I've felt broken, betrayed, un-loved, un-wanted and completely lost. My whole life centered around the two of them. My boys. Although I'm surrounded by family and friends who all love me and are supportive, I still feel completely alone. I know that there are people all over the world who face what I'm facing everyday, I just don't know how they do it. I feel so weak. I guess I don't really know what my question is for you. I guess I'm just seeking advice, or comfort from someone because nothing or no one has seemed to be able to reach me to pull me out of this dark place I'm in.

Answer
Hi there,

unfortunately, you will not receive something from this letter that you don't already know. And I am sorry for the losses you are going through right now. But like any break up, it is like the 5 stages of grief. But again, take the word grief into consideration. When we love someone deeply, it as if we collide with them on a deep and spiritual level. Sadly enough, when that time for our relationship has reached it's end, we must face the separation that lies ahead. It hurts and it sounds a lot like what you've been describing. Be patient with yourself and the stages you will be facing. Allow yourself to hurt and feel the betrayal but also let the world around you become a place of opportunity and optimism again. Don't let it taunt you by it's overwhelming large size and vast spaces. What you can take from this break up is endless. Take things away from this breakup that can benefit you for the future. Such as, what you DO want in a husband and so forth.

Good luck,

Becky

How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups

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Becky

Expertise

Any questions pertaining to relationships and break ups and how to deal with the aftermath of a break up. Break ups themselves require intense coping mechanisms to deal with the immense pain, which are ones in which I have dealt with myself personally and have researched extensively to be more well equipped.

Experience

Have been and is currently an Allexperts volunteer who deals with relationships and relationship issues daily. I have also myself gone through a tough break up from a relationship that lasted 5 years.

Organizations
Allexperts Chai Life Line

Education/Credentials
Bachelors of Arts from York University Canadian Certified Teacher from Niagara University

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Allexperts

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