How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups/hi


hello. first off i wanna thank you for your time in reading this. i am just dealing with a current situation that i cannot get off my mind, and i need some advice. so at work, there is this guy that i have a HUGE crush on. I've never liked anyone like this before. I never made a move on him or anything…until recently. we started to hang out after work, and i got the feeling that he maybe liked me too. he would text me and talk to me, and we would make plans to hang out. But then one day, we hung out again with a bunch of other coworkers, and by the end of the night, i saw him hold hands with another coworker. Now, this devastated me a lot, i thought he liked me, and i had made it clear to him that i did because i told him i liked him a lot. When i told him this, he was shocked, he told me he never thought "a girl like me" would ever like him. but i confirmed that i liked him and we kind of just left it at that. we would continue to hang out and whatnot, but after i saw him hold hands with the other girl, i kind of distanced myself. before i go any further i must say that the girl he was holding hands with also likes him. they used to talk before but he had told me he stopped talking to her because she had a boyfriend. when they were holding hands, however, she had already broken up with her boyfriend. since that night, we haven't hung out, or texted like we used to. it honestly hurt me so much to see him with the other girl, it stung. i tried to get over it, eventually i did. but now him and that other girl are talking and hooking up, and according to my other coworker they are "in love with each other". i cannot blame anyone but myself for the "damage" that has happened. i got my hopes up in believing that we could maybe be together one day. i don't hate him or her for what happened, it just sucks that i had to like him so much. now my only concern is dealing with this at work. I'm kinda over him, even though it still kinda hurts to see him with that other girl. but I'm trying to get over it. its just really hard when i have to work with them both together because then they flirt with each other, and idk how to deal with that. how can i get over him? did i do something wrong , i don't want to talk to him about it, i don't wanna bring it up to him, but i can't stop wondering what happened that changed between us. i just wish i knew. somehow i can't stop thinking that all this was my fault. did i do something wrong herE?

Hi Michelle

You did nothing wrong, and continue to do so!

What I mean is that you shared your normal feelings and perhaps he wasn't so sincere back towards you.

Let's look at the facts -

He liked a girl who had a boyfriend and her prior relationship didn't deter him. So he doesn't mind infringing into areas where other binding commitments are. Do you really want a guy like that? They often are the cheater style.  

Then he knows you like him because you told him honestly, and his responding comment was put off - "girls like you...." So for good or bad he made assumptions based on HIS background and logic, about you, that had very little to do with you and who you actually are.

Also, he was also flirting with her and you both at the same time. Not an attractive choice in a man, IMHO.

So CONGRATULATIONS! You don't have to be the girlfriend of a cad and a cheater. Consider yourself blessed to find a guy who will actually "see" a "Girl Like You" as one to be cherished.

Lesson learned? Would you REALLY want a guy like this for the long haul?!??!

Nope - Never settle for cads.

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Sonya Snyder


All questions related to breaking up with someone in a mature, appropriate manner, based on the individual situation.


I have become something of a requested expert on the subject of how to break up with someone for the best possible outcome for both parties. I can help all ages with this advice.

BA Journalism, nearing completion of my MA, Forensic Psychology, continuing on to my Clinical Psychology PhD.

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