Expert: Julie - 8/26/2006

Question
Hello, I dont normally consult in complete strangers for answers about my relationships, but my friends are really no help, they just side with me. Anyways, here's the deal: ( a little long) :)

My and my boyfriend have been dating for about three years, everything great. (all through high-school). We are both 18, but I'm going to be a senior in highschool this year and he is going to be a freshman in college. His college is about 1 hour away. Too make a long story short, we love eachother and want things to work out, but there are some issues and i need help on what to do next. Now, in highschool he had problems with academics and needs to focus on his studies in college. He is worried and has said to me that having a gf in college, as mich as he loves me, would be really hard. Worrying about what I was doing and having to call all the time would be difficult for him because he really needs to concentrate on school. Now I understand this and have told him that things would be harder and we would both deal with it. After somewhat bickering about it, i asked him if he wanted to just end it and he said no repeatedly. But what he wants to do is just wait out until summer, with a break and then get back together. I asked about prom, homecoming, phone calls, etc; and he said that he would go to all of those. But the "break" would basically be his way of noy worrying about what I was doing and not feeling obligated to call and visit all the time. I basically said that I didnt want to be put on pause because who knows what could happen in college, right? So I told him either we stay together, but it will be hard but can eek on through it together, or just end it and stay friends. I know he doesnt want to break up, but I dont know what to do now..

Is the "break" a good idea? Sorry this is so long, its been a long and loving relationship and would hate to see it just pass away. I'm sure if I were reading this, I would slap myself, but I guess its harder to see what I should do...

HELP!

Answer
I think a break would be stressful for you, I know it would be for me, because you'd be in limbo..and feel stuck in a situation that isn't really healthy, because you want more than what he is willing to give. You are right, anything can happen. What if while your life is on 'hold' and then he finds someone else? Or he decides he just doesn't want to stay together anymore. I think staying friends would be a better idea.

Good luck..Julie