About Julie Expertise I can help you if you are thinking about breaking up with someone or have already broken up with them. Break ups are hard, and very painful. If you want some advice on how to let go, or how to deal with a break up or just need someone to talk to, I am here for you.
Experience I've been through a couple of them myself and have helped friends go through theirs.
Question My brother, a 29-year-old civil engineer, is dating an unmotivated wan-a-be beautician. He is subsidizing her debts and has co-signed with her on her car loan. She and her two cats have moved in. He is working two jobs while trying to study for a promotional exam. She now wants him to leverage himself to the max in a new house. After an ensuing marriage, one kid, and a divorce my brother will be left with a lot of debt and nothing to show for it. However innocent minded she might be, she's taking my bro for ride. I think my brother is too tired, confused, overwhelmed and oversexed to disentangle himself from all this. I'm afraid my brother wouldn't know how to leave this girl even if he wanted to. Let's say I convince him that he's in a bad situation. What's the twelve step program for getting her out of his pocket-house-life? I'm afraid to talk to him about this untill after I have some solutions to offer.
Thanks
Answer Definitly sounds like she's using your brother and I can't believe he doesn't see it. It happened to a friend of mine too and no matter how much me or family warned him he refused to see it and he ended up getting hurt in the end.
And loss of money and debts.
The first thing you need to do is talk to him, ask him if he doesn't see this from everyone else's perspective. Go through each thing she is doing to him and ask him if he really feels comfortable doing all this. Ask him if he's prepared for the consequences to every situation he is going through with her, such as co signing for a car, buying a new house, etc..
People who aren't married and settled and sure of their relationship should NEVER go in on a house, or car or anything together. Ask him to get the car under his name only and she can make the payments that way if anything happens, he takes the car and its his. See what her reaction is to that.
Unfortunatly if he won't listen to you theres not much you can do to force her out of his life. Its a situation he's going to need to live on his own and then suffer the consequences, alls you can do is point these things out to him. Also it wouldn't hurt to talk to his girlfriend and let her know what you think you see is going on and point out to her that he doesn't need the extra debt, etc..if she really loves him, she'll understand. But she sounds like she's just using him for a cushy life.
Just ask your brother to first find out if she really loves him, by not doing all that she wants like getting a bigger house, etc. He needs to put his foot down with her. If she really loves him, she'll stay with him no matter what. If she doesn't, then she'll leave if she's not getting her way. Tell him he doesn't need to break up with her, just sort of "test" her by not giving her everything she wants. Then she'll do all the rest.
