Expert: Julie - 8/2/2006

Question
Julie,

I broke up with my boy of 3 years three days ago. I hurt him badly. He has never cried in front of me before and he cried on the phone. We used to live in each others pockets. We love each other madly. We wanted to build a life, get married, have a great career, have babies....etc.etc... And before i broke up with him i had all these reasons, now i feel like none are really valid.

How do you survive this? I feel like im mourning...and i broke up with him... He has been my rock for so long.....

Deep down i know it has to happen. But i wish i could drop my bundle, and all my commitments to give myself time to heal. I feel really depressed right now, i think i will yearn for him for a long long time. He's on my mind first thing when i wake and last thing when i sleep. But at the moment, im worried. I feel like such a weak person right now. I have already skipped a uni lecture and tutorial this week, cause i just cant face him.

And im worried he will forget me and everything we had. Ideally, i would like to have this break up and do what i have to do. Do the growing i have to do, date the other people (even though i just want to be alone for what seems like forever) i feel i have to date and then when the time is right, get back together with him. I feel as though i have made the biggest mistake. He is so perfect in so many ways. And i know that there arent very many good men out there.

I guess all i have to remember is that were young, we have to do this, and if were meant to be, we will be back together when the time is right...but right now, my heart feels like it is actually literally aching.

-Christina Nelson  

Answer
Hi Christina..

No matter who does the breaking up and for what reasons, its still going to be very painful. And everyone does go through the weak phase...
When I broke up with my ex, I missed a few days of work and couldn't eat, or sleep or do anything for that matter.
So what you are going through is totally normal.

If you feel you broke up for whatever reasons you had, then its good you did now rather than later, because you'd have just started to feel trapped or resentful if you'd have stayed anyways, and a break up would've been inevitable..

You are right though, if you two were meant to be, you will find your way back to each other eventually!!!

But for now, accept that the grieving process is normal, and go through the feelings, and try to focus on your life right now, it does get easier, trust me, it just takes time, take it one day at a time, one minute at a time if you have to.

Good luck...Julie