Expert: Julie - 8/30/2006

Question
I have had the best relationship of my life in the last year and a few months. Now, I am in the middle of changing jobs, my father is nearing death, and now out of the blue my girlfriend and I are seperated. It couldn't have happened at a worse time. All her friends are married and I did mention of the logistics if we were to go this route to be married(two weeks earlier). She said that I would have to make sacrifices and that she loves her house.  I have a seperate house with amentities and a yard that can absorb her pets - but the reverse would not be possible.  I told her that we should leave it alone for now then - since we both have no desire to give up our residences.

Now all of a sudden, she tells me that she doesn't know who she is, needs time alone, and has been real bitchy.  We already had a trip planned for us to meet her family the end of Sept.
I told her thanks for the non-refundable ticket I wasted (out of state).  I asked her if we were finished - she said that she did not know now.  I asked her what she would do if she were me , she said "probably leave"  - then I said "I guess we have our answer - we are finished". She said "fine  - be that way, no effort on my part to be patient".  I retorted "most relatioships that go the route you just took don't recover - perhaps we are two people who just have different goals in life - you wanting to stay single in a seperate residence, something that I don't want".
She says "I may want that - you don't know".  I told her to call me if she wants in the next couple of weeks - if I don't hear from her - that will be the answer.  She agreed to this , but told me to be sure I called when my dad passes.  

I don't get this at all .... I have half a notion to give up and go back to the on-line presonals.
I am 41, she is 34, we have had vacations together, 7 day cruise, extended weekend excursions...etc.   I am clueless right now, but do not plan on calling her again.  ANy thoughts on this one?  

Answer
It does sound like she's got some issues she needs to work out, she doesn't sound like she's putting too much effort into this relationship at all either. Sorry to hear about your dad, It must be hard to go through all this and on top of that as well.
Unfortunatly sounds like she just needs some time for herself to figure things out and If I were you I wouldn't call her at all...let her call you when she's ready..try to move on, because I wouldn't want to sit around waiting for her..its a waste of time.

Good luck..Julie