Expert: Julie - 8/17/2006

Question
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years. Our relationship was fantastic until this summer. We seemed perfect for each other and made each other so happy (yes, one of those annoying couples who always acted like we were the only ones who existed). We have talked about marriage several times but wanted to wait until I get out of college. During the summer I worked 60 hours a week on a completely different schedule than him so we never saw each other. Well, when I moved into my dorm he didn't call me for a week. When we finally talked he said that he didn't know what was going to happen between us because he had felt alone and lonely during the summer and had gradually stopped missing me. I apologized, asked him why he never told me and I thought everything was fine. Currently he seems to avoid my calls and text messages. If he does answer he always has an excuse why we can only talk for 5 minutes and why we can't see each other. I feel desprate because I can't help calling or texting him and always waiting by my phone for some communiation from him. I feel like he's treating me like crap but I love him so much. I cry all the time and miss him so much. I hope that we'll be able to work things out and things will go back to normal. Do you think that I may be a little too optimistc? Should I just leave him alone and let him think or should I ask him to make a decision about us (it's hard knowing that our relationship is in limbo)? Also, do you think that it is possible to truly work things out so that we can continue our relationship? And if so, how do you think we could go about doing this?
Sorry that my question is so long but I would like to thank you for taking time to help me.  

Answer
It doesn't sound like your boyfriend wants you guys to be together right now...I would not call or text him anymore. I know how difficult it is to not do that, but the only thing that will happen is you will end up pushing him away...it also doesn't let him have a chance to miss you, or think about you if you are always constantly trying to reach him.

I would just assume that things are over for now, if they weren't he'd make more of an effort to talk to you..
Its totally normal to cry and miss him...believe me...its hard. Breakups are never fun..
But just take it a day at a time, and eventually things will get better..you will be fine whether you guys get back together or not. I promise...


Take care, Julie