Expert: ***ERICA*** - 12/31/2007

Question
hi Erica recently i have been arguing with my boyfriend. It started small reason being, he didn't let me know when he would be home so i got distracted doing something else. I figured he would call when he got home. This is a long distance relationship, so he blew me off  for the rest of the night. Next day i let him know i was doing something  and told him the time i would be home to talk. And blew me off   that night too. So i told him fine he didn't care to be here then what does that mean. He then turns it around saying that if i cared i would  have been there when we normally talk instead of doing what ever else. so that night he takes a female friend out to dinner and tells her to dress for dancing. Knowing that i love to go dancing,let me add if i took  a male friend out for dinner he would be upset himself. So after finding this out i am hurt. I don't want to leave him because i love him so much and i think he really does love me too. But i feel like i cant let him treat me this way and think its ok. I don't know if im leaving for the right reasons and i am very confused. Please let me know what you think....i need a clear mind. Thank you for your time

Answer
Hi Reyna... There is a book that I read that I wanted to throw out the window, but it was so true.... its called He's Just Not That Into You.  I hated every word that came out of Greg's mouth, but when I really sat and thought about it... it is so true.  First of all - as a woman you don't have to give up your time and life to wait by the phone for a man to call you.  I applaud you for being busy with your own life because a lot of woman that I know or have helped aren't even at that point.  His actions are showing exactly what you say.. he doesn't care.  No if's and's or but's.  Then, to make matters worse he takes someone out to dinner and dancing... a platonic friend that you know? one that you are aware of?  In my opinion... this is how a healthy relationship local or long distance goes... both of you are into each other - you have seperate lives, but come together as one - there are no games - there are no trust issues - and your goal is to make yourself and the other person happy.  Another very important lesson that I have learned in life is that once you start accepting unacceptable behavior - its all over - the respect level drops and you can't get it back.  So, my advice to you is to continue taking care of yourself.  Do things that make you feel great!  You said that you enjoy dancing.. well, rally up the troops and head out dancing... its New Years... When someone is that into you - there is nothing that stops them from showing you that they are that into you and let you know that all of the time.  I don't quite get that from your email.  My biggest goal this year for all of my advice seekers, family, and friends is ....."Its a New Year" out with the bad and in with the good... Life is too short and I would rather be alone and feel good with the opportunity to meet someone who is that into me rather than waste my time with someone who makes me feel like they could care less...... I hope this helps ... Good Luck and Happy New Year