Expert: Julie - 10/16/2006

Question
hi
my name is mike and i am having trouble with a breakup. it's been 3 months now and i am still in horrible pain and depression over it. i dated a girl for over a year. throughout the realtionship she was alwasy standoffish and never really comitted 100%. but she also had a great deal of issues that i helped her through. this became most of the relationship-me being there for her. we had a great conncetion, great time and were very close. i felt like we were a team. i know she was emotionally unavailible for the most part but the more i stayed in it the more i fell for her while she was always looking for a way out.
when she got a new job, that i of course helped her have theconfidence to get she broke up with me, telling me she needed to be alone and not be with anyone for a while.
i found out that after only 2 and 1/2 weeks she was seeing a guy from her new job and when i aksed she lied about it, several times.
then when i was down and needed her she acted as if it was a toure.
i also came to find out she said some not so nice things to me to friends.
while my logic tells me she's not worth it and to move on it still hurts everyday and i want to tell her i know by writing ane mail but i feel it wouldn't make a difference.
how do i move past this, get closure and feel better, even though i still miss her but feel betrayed?
thanks
mike p.

Answer
It does hurt when you find out someones seeing someone new,  I went through this also with my ex who found someone new the day we broke up. And denied it.
3 months is still not enough time to get over a break up but the one thing you do need to do is stop focusing on her so much..sometimes we never get closure in a break up, but with or without closure, you can still move on.
It will hurt everyday and it will be hard, thats very normal..but eventually it does get better, you will start to slowly move on, it doesn't feel like it right now but it will happen.
Are you doing things for yourself? The one big way I started to get over my ex fast was keeping busy..at first I'd still be depressed even though I was busy, but then I really started having fun, and I made some new friends and started doing things I loved and it makes a HUGE difference!

Good luck...Julie