Expert: Julie - 10/8/2006

Question
My ex-boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago. We had been dating for 2 years and the last 6 months or so was all about arguing. When we broke up, we were having a huge fight and he said that he couldn't stand it anymore and that we were done. The previous night,someone that i had met from online had asked me out but at the time i told him i couldn't, that it just wasnt right.
Well, i called the guy that had just asked me out and told him that we could go steady. We live an hour apart and i only get to really spend time with him on fridays and saturdays and he's about a year and a half younger.I thought that jumping into the relationship with the new guy would be alright since inside i felt like i didnt care about the ex anyways.After me and my ex both cooled down that night, he told me that he only wanted to break up for 1 week,and get back together.
The first 2 weeks of this new relationship was fine, i thought he was really hot, sweet, caring, and we had a bunch of things in common. I was happy and felt like i didnt have all the "drama"
One day i was talking to my ex and he tells me that he is joinin the navy right after thanksgiving. At that moment my heart just sank and ever since i been crying about him, when i think about him or even talk to him.
There has been plenty of times just the past week that i been comparing my ex with the new guy. I've found out that the new one is very immature...although he can be serious when he wants to be, and we dont have really all that much in common...i have more in common with his mother!!
My ex on the other hand, i've realized, we have more things to talk about (even though we argue about everything) and we just have more fun together. I have asked my ex if it was possible to get back together but he said it would be the same thing and it wouldnt change the fact that he's goin away.
This new relationship,right off the bat like a week into it he was tellin me he loves me...i doubt that, from time to time. He used to open doors for me and hold me if we were just relaxing but now that our relationship is getting more into the serious stuff, he just sits and plays a video game all day...even if i only have a few mins. left to visit with him. He is saving his money, but his mom told him to give me gas money..he said i have to wait on that.
I just feel that i made a huge mistake. Now, instead of feeling happy and lookin forward to creating a future with the new guy, all i think about is what i threw away.

Answer
Doesn't sound like things are going your way in either situation..have you and your ex had a chance to sit down and talk about the problems that you had during the relationship and see if theres any way at all to fix things? He'll probably still stick to his decision to leave for the Navy but maybe things can work out and then you can have a chance when he gets back..

As for the new guy..well when you are grieving the other relationship it really is hard to look forward to a future with that new person especially if he's already slacking in the relationship area..he doesn't sound very nice not to give you any gas money or that he spends a lot of his time playing video games.

If I were you I would talk to my ex again and see about working things out if at all possible. If he still doesn't think so, then I'd maybe take a break from guys all together for now and focus maybe on finding someone who will treat you good and be there for you. You deserve someone who will give you 100%.

I hope things work out for you, take care
Julie