Expert: ***ERICA*** - 12/31/2007

Question
We are dating for almost 3 years, we live together for over a year, I love her so much but I have been neglecting her for the last few months, now she says she is confused, she needs some time, that she loves me still but less than before and that she cares about me. She became closer with her female friends and I don't think they will help all the contrary, it seems she is getting strength from her friends. She does seamed confused, se will decide in a couple of days wether I move out or not. I have the feeling if I move out and take a break , that would be it. I am willing to change, Please advice, how can I get her to love me again?, How can I convince her that I am the one, because I truly believe I am.    Thank you.

Answer
Dear Serg,

I must applaud you for taking responsibility for your actions and wanting to make things right.  When a relationship hits this point the best thing you can do is allow her to sort out her feelings and decide which path she wants to take.  This is a very difficult and painful thing to do, but there is a saying that I hold very dear to me - "anything you chase in life will run away."  You are going to have to be strong and give her the time she needs to sort out her feelings.  During this time you may want to reflect on your own actions and feelings.  Why were you neglecting her? Have you come to a point in your relationship where things need to be revived?  Are you truly sorry for neglecting her or just scared of change?  Do you really love her?  What is it that you need to change about you?  These are all great questions to evaluate during the "seperation" period.  I would probably move out for awhile and give her the distance it appears that she needs because if she has you stay what questions does it really answer and how will she really be able to sort out her feelings with you still there even if you serve her dinner on a silver platter every night.  A small break could even just be a weekend... sometimes couples need a small break to sort out their differences and come together.  However, when and if you come back together - couples counseling may be a great idea.  Left to our own devices during difficult times we usually screw it up - human nature.  But, there is no advice on getting her to love you again.  Time and patience will allow you to know if she still loves you ..... You have been together a long time.  She doesn't need to be convinced whether or not you are the one... she needs to decide.  A step back and a breath of air will give her a chance to evaluate the whole situation.  Good Luck and please let me know how it works out.... Stay strong and self evaluate.... Another saying... set it free if it comes back it was meant to be.