Expert: ruth kraft - 12/16/2008

Question
Hello.  I have a son who turned a year on Saturday. Not only does he sleep in bed with my husband and myself but he still breast fed.  I am aware that this is mostly for self soothing, but whenever he wakes up, he cries then screams until he is breast fed.  
The problem is, I am due in January with our second child. I am having another C section and will be in the hospital and not at home with our son...which means that grandma is going to be there taking care of him.  
I have tried weaning him, but when he wakes up it is very difficult to say no when I'm getting such little sleep anyway.  
Looking forward to your advice!

Answer
I commend you for co sleeping AND nursing while pregnant :) most people wont get this far and its so good for all of you :) be prepared that your oldest might wean himself because after the baby is born the milk changes to what the baby needs more so, and he might not like the flavor and consistency anymore. which I am sure would be ok with you :) but either way, it sounds as though he is not ready to wean quite yet.

I assume that you are concerned about grandma taking care of him and him waking and crying and such while you are away. My guess would be ( and I am guessing because i don't know the temperament of your child nor do I know how comfortable he is with grandma etc ) he will not have the same reaction because he will know that grandma is not going to nurse him. I would take this time to have something else put in place. Go buy him something and talk it up as his gift for when the baby is born. a blankie, snuggly whatever you want to call it... you can go pick it out together. and then share with him that you need to sleep with it at night and that it is yours to share. and then when the baby is born , you might be away but snuggly will be there with grandma to cuddle with at night when mommy isn't there.   your mother can give him a warm bottle of milk while you are away as well if he will take a bottle or sippy , that will help the sucking comfort he is desiring in the middle of the night.

it might be a godsend, as he very well might learn to get through the night a bit more while you are in the hospital those few days.  

you can also start creating boundaries for him ... I am going to copy and paste something I wrote for someone the other day about boundaries and establishing them as well. He is old enough to start understanding boundaries and waiting until you are ready to nurse as well. he might not like it much at first because he wants what he wants when he wants it, but with a new one coming, it will be good practice now as I have my kids 14 months apart so I KNOW the frustration as a mom with 2 very small kids. and who's needs do you tend to first? ESP after a c-section... I encourage you to make sure you have full time help for as long as you possibly can.  tandem nursing will get easier over time assuming he wants to even continue after the milk changes..

so heres what I wrote about boundaries..
she should be able to understand boundaries. So pick the one that is the easiest and not nurse her through it. Tell her, NO more milk right now, its time for sleep and when we sleep, you can have mommies milk when we awake in the morning. it is going to be an adjustment and with any adjustment things tend to get worse before they get better. so take lots of deep breaths and continue to reiterate this... over a few days she will understand you are serious. cuddle with her etc so she knows you are still there and not rejecting her but setting a boundary.  then, over the next few weeks start making the time longer inbetween nursings... again, cuddle her through it. its VERY important you don't do this all at once or she will feel rejected and she doesn't understand... she doesn't have the thought process we do and she cant see that sleep is what she and you need. so please take it slowly. the first couple weeks will be the hardest.  when you make a rule, stick to it. If you are going to say no nursing from 2-5 am, then stick with it... then next week make it 1-5 and then following 12-5 etc. till you get the whole night or whatever is manageable to you. then, after you get her sleeping more thought the night, you can graduate to getting her to sleep in her own bed. again, stay with her, cuddle with her hold her and say its time for night nights and make a routine... kids see in pictures not words... so makeover a little book of drawings... at 7 we get a bath, at 730 we get pjs on, then we read a book and mommy gives you cuddles. then you nurse and go to sleep while mommy humms by your side. after you do this a couple weeks in a row, she will love it, get the connection she needs and go to sleep easier and easier .... then eventually you will be able to just put her in bed after a little nuzzle or whatever you call nursing and then walk out of the room slowly. but it may take a while... so be patient with yourself ;)

I hope that helped! Congats on the new one :)
ruth kraft
www.honoringwomen.com