Expert: ruth kraft - 12/13/2008

Question
How do I get my now 2 year old to sleep through the night in her bed and to stop nursing. It is very hard for me to tell her no, because I know it soothes her and she is use to doing it. She will nurse a few times through out the day, but at night she stays on me waking up every few hours to nurse . I know we get thristy sometimes through out the night but this is every night almost all night .It is very hard for me to sleep and it has been like this for awhile. Please help ! I love the bonding time with my daughter and she is my world ! It is so hard to tell your baby no espeically when their crying and calling out for you, so you give in because you feel bad. It will be very hard for my child to stop because she likes to suck ( no passy) we gave that up a long time ago . So now sometimes mommies the passy!!!!

Answer
I would start with weaning the shortest time she nurses and likely the time that she is most easily able to go back to sleep. This is not a breastfeeding problem per se... its more a boundaries issue. At 2 years old, assuming she is developmentally normal, she should be able to understand boundaries. So pick the one that is the easiest and not nurse her through it. Tell her, NO more milk right now, its time for sleep and when we sleep, you can have mommies milk when we awake in the morning. it is going to be an adjustment and with any adjustment things tend to get worse before they get better. so take lots of deep breaths and continue to reiterate this... over a few days she will understand you are serious. cuddle with her etc so she knows you are still there and not rejecting her but setting a boundary.  then, over the next few weeks start making the time longer inbetween nursings... again, cuddle her through it. its VERY important you don't do this all at once or she will feel rejected and she doesn't understand... she doesn't have the thought process we do and she cant see that sleep is what she and you need. so please take it slowly. the first couple weeks will be the hardest.  when you make a rule, stick to it. If you are going to say no nursing from 2-5 am, then stick with it... then next week make it 1-5 and then following 12-5 etc. till you get the whole night or whatever is manageable to you. then, after you get her sleeping more thought the night, you can graduate to getting her to sleep in her own bed. again, stay with her, cuddle with her hold her and say its time for night nights and make a routine... kids see in pictures not words... so makeover a little book of drawings... at 7 we get a bath, at 730 we get pjs on, then we read a book and mommy gives you cuddles. then you nurse and go to sleep while mommy humms by your side. after you do this a couple weeks in a row, she will love it, get the connection she needs and go to sleep easier and easier .... then eventually you will be able to just put her in bed after a little nuzzle or whatever you call nursing and then walk out of the room slowly. but it may take a while... so be patient with yourself ;)

I hope this helps!

Ruth Kraft
www.honoringwomen.com