Expert: ruth kraft - 10/28/2009

Question
dear Ruth, thankyou for taking the time out to answer my question, my daughter is 2/12yrs and is breastfeed on demand which is almost all the time, she shares my bed, wakes so many times during the night for the boob, my problem is my husband is really starting to complain now he says she is too old to breastfeed and should be sleeping in her own bed, i honestly can not bring my self to wean her, plus i will not let her sleep on her own as i have a autistic son who harms her quiet a bit, bites her and hits her so i must always keep her safe, how do i get my husband to understand this, i feel very srongly about breastfeeding i belive a child should wean him/ her self when ready breast feed my last for 4/12 yrs. thankyou for you help much appreciated. adele

Answer
Hello,

You are absolutely correct in your choices , and I understand your dilema. Although not for everyone, I am proud of you for sticking up for what you know is right for you and your baby.  Studies have shown that on demand feeding and also bed sharing are So much more healthier than other options. I know it seems to go against what we are taught in this culture. Most cultures share beds and often have family beds until children are teenagers and want their own space. Most studies say co sleeping should be done at least until 5 years old. Ask your husband, why he likes to sleep with you? ( other than the obvious sex part potential ) Why does he crave having someone there with him? How would he feel if he woke up every night and was alone? Babies have little developing brains. If you don't nurture then while they are young, they turn into adult children because they wait for the constant reassurance from others that the world is safe. At this age, safety equals mom and dad. especially at night , the most vulnerable time of the day when we cannot see well. Instinctually, she doesn't know she is safe unless she is with you. Humans don't like to sleep alone. at ANY age. Some maybe do for short periods of time, but not long ones for sure.

This seems as though it is about breastfeeding, however, it isnt. It is about Bonding and nurturing. If you try to wean her, she not only won't get the night nursing brain development, BUT she will also continue to wake up anyway. When she is ready to sleep through the night, then she will. When you are done with nursing often in the middle of the night, you can teach her to wait and not nurse so often, however, taking away co sleeping is still very hard on her. Just because she doesnt nurse doesnt mean she won't want to sleep by you.

Here is an article about co-sleeping that maybe might help you and him undertand exactly what you are trying to create. http://neuroanthropology.net/2008/12/21/cosleeping-and-biological-imperatives-wh...  

good luck! Always continue to make good choices for you and your children that you know are right for you, and you teach your children to stick up for themselves and know their own self worth.