Expert: ruth kraft - 10/25/2009

Question
My son is 20 months old and I am still breastfeeding him. He is not interested in either a pacifier or a bottle, and has no comfort objects, so he asks to feed whenever he needs comfort, both day and night. It never feels like the right time to wean him, but I am now feeling like I am ready! We have, however, just moved to a new country a few weeks ago so I thought I should give it a couple more weeks before I begin. The question is, how do I do it with the least trauma? We are living upstairs from a family and I foresee lots of screaming and tears and am worried about disturbing them. Do I just go cold turkey, or do I do it gradually. I have read people advising to cut out one feed at a time, but he feeds totally erratically, there is no set time for feeding. He eats well, so I am not worried about him going hungry, just the trauma of losing his only source of comfort. Should I be trying to find a substitute first? I have tried again and again with both bottle and pacifier, but to no avail. I am not sure that he is old enough to reason with, although he certainly understands when I say no to him. Please advise me as to the best (ie least traumatic for us all) way to do this. Thanks, Kate

Answer
If you think about it from your sons perspective , youll see he is one smart kid! You find comfort in his hugs ad cudding likely, if he handed you a bear and said  here mom, I don't want to hugh you anymore, have a bear. you would be bothered... so he is well connected! that is a good thing :)

SO , how to wean. Slowly is better, substituting will likely be futile. SO, since he has such sporadic times, then start with a block on time while he is least likely to nurse... say from 8-12 in the morning after his morning feed. WHen he asks, explain that the nursies ( or whatever you call it ) are resting. and they are off limits. and offer something else to distract. He canhave a hug, kiss to make it better, a hug, a finger kiss ( where your two fingers touch and you make smacking sounds with your lips ) teach his eskimo kisses where your noeses rub... whatever works and gives him that good feeling of being connected and loved. That is what he will miss. replace nursing with another form of love. and it will be much easier.  then, after a week or two depending on how it goes, take another few hour range and continue on... constantly redirecting.  sorry, nursies are resting... be consistant. and he will understand the new rule and over time, weaning will be much easier. Cold turkey isnt good unless he is only down to one nursing a day or so.

I hope that helps!