Expert: ruth kraft - 4/28/2009

Question
Hi

My son is 2 yrs old and feeds throughout the day and night.  His front teeth has got decay in the initial stages, and the dentist had advised us (8 months ago) to stop the night time feedings.  We co-sleep, and that makes it difficult to stop him from asking for milk at night.  

My question: is it OK to tell him certainly that he's not getting any milk at night when he asks, even if he cries and begs?  We tried it last night, and he was wailing.. Our concern is, are being too harsh and should back off and try something else...?  (BTW he slept OK after that and did not press ahead when told NO, early next morning)

Thanks,
S

Answer
Irriguardless of what your dentist says, you have to make this choice for you. There are many babies who breastfeed until they are 4 and 5 and dont get decay. If he was concerned ( as this happened with my son so I know first hand )  he put caps on my sons front teeth to prevent further decay.  or, if your son wants to nurse, wipe his teeth down with a damp rag before he goes to bed. its not nursing that causes this, anything that sits on the teeth overnight can cause decay, formula does it too. even if you nurse 3 hours before bed if he has food still on his teeth, it can cause decay. its NOT the night nursing , its food in general.

so on to the question to follow, might not be what you want to hear. Is it ok to tell him no even if he cries and begs?
this is up to you. If you want to wean, then yes , its ok to tell him no. this is called creating boundries with your son. Your breasts do belong on your body, and you have a right to your own personal space. you can teach him delayed nursing. The breasts are tired right now, they need sleep too, but tomarrow morning after they rest you can have them. or during the day, after lunch you can have some. and always follow through so hes not feeling abandoned. then you can wean slowly like that... one feeding at a time.  I suggest you do this anyway just to create those boundries. as that is a healthy thing and teaches your son to respect your body as well. and shows him that when you follow through, you respect him also.  But it is your choice to wean, and I won't ever tell someone it is ok to let their baby cry if they both want something.  It's ok to let him cry if you are doing it for your own need to wean, hug him through it, let him know you are still there and will cuddle instead... but the breasts are tired kindof thing... but dont wean if you arent ready.

I hope that helped :)