Expert: ruth kraft - 5/28/2009

Question
I have a daughter that just had a baby 5 days ago.  She intended to nurse but her baby wasnt latching on right and she ended up with extremely sore nipples.  She is expressing milk and giving her daughter a bottle.  I nursed both her and my son for more then a year each and loved it.  I really want her to nurse because i am a strong believer that it is the best you can do for your baby but i dont want to alienate her either and dont know where to draw the line and yet i fear if i dont keep on her that she will decide that giving a bottle is easier (which it is) and wait too long and she wont be able to get the baby to nurse either then.  I told her i would go with her to a lactation specialist but she says she doesnt want to until her nipples arent sore anymore.  Any suggestions.

Answer
unfortunatly, if your daughter doesnt want to breastfeed, she just wont do it. It sounds to me that she is saotoging your desire to help her so she doesnt have to nurse. Then she can blame it on something else why she couldnt give her baby breastmilk ( my nipples were sore neglecting to realize she has the choice to fix it or not and she is choosing not to )

you are correct, if she doesnt get to a lactation consultant , or someone who can fix latch problems like la leche leage leaders, her milk will continue to go down and every day that goes by the baby will not want to latch more and more. and will prefer the bottle.

You can share with her, that the LC will get the baby to latch so that it isnt painful, here are some links that should be printed, and given to her http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/234262/breastfeeding_myths_formula_is_a...
http://baby.families.com/blog/lets-be-honest-about-formula-vs-breast-milk

you can google the harm of formula and come up with a thousand links. and the benefits of breastmilk and come up with a million links.  

I woudl suggest, that you give her the information, the number of la leache league councelors and lactation consultants, a fact sheet about the benefits of breastmilk, with a note attatched that says you want to support her in all she does, that the academy of pediatrics says you should nurse explusivly and you are just trying to get her help so that the baby will have the best start and not become ill  or fussy. and that you wont harp her about it but that you hope she makes the most healthy choice for the baby.   and then leave it at that. there is no point in hounding her. in fact, the more you do, the more she might not go for it because if she is rebelling against "moms advice" then even if she wanted to nurse she wont because of that...  

then leave it be. You have done the best you could. Sometimes its not easy watching our children and grandchildren crash and fall. or suffer for what we deem as no reason. and yet, we really have no choice. If she is looking for a reason to not nurse, then there is nothing you or an lc can do to stop her. she will find a way to fail. Hopefully, she will read the info, see that she can do much about it, she has been offered the help. She refused, not you. I commend you for trying though... giving one last shot might not be a bad idea.  and as you said tread carefully. and know that even if she agrees to see the LC , she might sabatoge that too. then you will know if she really wants to nurse or not. because those who look for reasons to not nurse, find a reason everytime. and there isnt enough good info out there for them. those who want to nurse, never give up.  

good luck to you and that baby! he deserves the best!