Expert: ruth kraft - 9/22/2009

Question
I have a beautiful 4 month old daughter that I have exclusively breastfed.  I am not working and have no plans to stop breastfeeding before she is a year old.  Because of some early tummy aches and gassiness my daughter is an avid comfort nurser and seems to want to nurse all the time.  That said, I nurse her at night and put her in her crib and she sleeps for 11 hours at a stretch.  Naps are a different story.  I have tried nursing her and laying her in her crib, but she almost always gets up within minutes.  I have let her fuss, but don't want her crying herself to sleep.  When I lay with her in my bed at naptime she falls asleep quickly and will often sleep for a long time, but she wants to nurse the entire time, or wakes within a half hour of my slipping away. My husband is able to give her a bottle before nap and put her in her crib no problem, but I am not.  I guess my question is, will she grow out of this need to nurse when I am with her? Am I creating a bad habit by laying with her at nap time?  Will she eventually allow me to nurse her for a bit and then put her in her crib, just like we do at night?  I guess if I knew I was not creating a future problem I would be fine with it, I just don't want to come to regret laying with her and letting her nurse for hours later on. Also, is it possible to overfeed her by doing this?

Answer
rest assured that you are not creating a bad habit. If you stop nursing her through naps and change to any other type of feed, she will still wake up. It isnt the breastfeeding that is " causing" this, it is because she is 4 months old. She needs the nurturing more than anything else right now. She needs to feel safe, and she does what she can to feel safe. If you think about yourself, and how weird it is to sleep alone when you have had someone to sleep next to... its eerie, uncomfortable, strange and you dont feel as secure as you do when you have someone RIGHT next to you. You will sleep better and longer and be happier overall.  Babies are human too. THey have the same need.I know it sounds silly but its true... most adults expect babies to do things that we don't like to do as adults. cuddle with someone for the first 9 months of existing, and then one day, you have to sleep on a HUGE mattress in a crib with bars on it, next to NOTHING, laying flat on a hard surface. I wouldnt like it, so I wouldnt expect the baby to either. Same with eating, we eat and drink every 2 hours, maybe 4 every day. Babies do too.

You are doing yourself a favor and you are doing her one, by nurturing her while she is young. The more you do this now, the less likely she will grow up feeling insecure.  She sleeps really well at night so your doing better than most people :) ONe thing you might try, is when you put her down, ( in your bed ) lay there and nurse her, when shes asleep, slowly , and I mean SLOWLY, back away. unlatch her, then, stay there a second. with your hand on her back so she knows your there. then back up a few inches,  then pause and wait. then back up a little more until you inch off the bed. Roll up a blanket or small towel and place it right next to her so she feels the pressure of someones ( which is really something )  hand or presence.  then back away all the way. SLOWLY. if she stirs, place your hand on her back, keep your eyes closed as if she wakes, she will see your eyes closed. that means its bed time. if your up, she wants to be too.   then, after 15 minutes or so, come back in, " do the shhhh shhhhh shhhhh" a little bit, place your hand gently but firmly , keeping it in one spot , a firm touch that says , I am here and I love you. without rubbing. Rubbing stimulates and wakes her up more. Firm touch means your safe.  OR if she starts to stir, go in, put your hand by her back and do this. She will often go back to sleep. Sometimes patting her can work as well. But only use patting if the solid touch doesnt work.

try that and see how it goes. then back away slowly. and you might by more time while she sleeps longer. You are teaching her she is safe and its ok... you want to take the time to do this while she is young. So that as she grows, shes confident and a brilliantly happy child later on in life. I promise you it might seem like a habit. But she will wean in her own time of her need for you to be around. and some babies take longer than others. but if you dont do it now, youll be doing it forever....

so no. You are not creating a future problem. Unless you find being that connected with your baby a problem :) Which is where the whole idea of crying it out etc came from....

Best of luck!