Expert: ruth kraft - 4/19/2010

Question
I have a 3 month old baby girl who will not sleep much during the daytime. The thing is, she shows signs of tiredness (rubbing eyes, yawning) but she doesn't get cranky; she just plays on. I've tried the whole "get them to sleep before they show signs of tiredness, etc) but to no avail. She sleeps fine at night: 5-6 hour stretch, feeds at around 2 or 3am, sleep until about 6am, feeds, naps till about 8 or so and then is up pretty much throughout the day. She will fall asleep when I carry her, or when breastfeeding but as soon as I put her in her crib, her eyes fly open and she just giggles and plays, no matter how hard I've tried, pacifier, lovey, anything. I know that at her age she should be getting about 14 hours of sleep but she isn't and that's what is worrying me. Is 3 months too young to start sleep training? I've heard that around 4 months is when they are more aware of their surroundings and make associations, so should I just wait until then? Or should I not even worry so much about her not getting her daytime sleep?

Answer
Oh, (HUGS) , you have a cousin of my son I think. My son was a horrible sleeper. but at least yours sleeps at night sometimes :) mine Wouldn't even do that! So I understand your intense frustration. My suggestion, although you may not like it, is if she falls asleep while you are holding her, get a sling or a back pack, put her in it and let her sleep. At least though that nap during the day. So she gets SOME sleep. Or, lay down in YOUR bed with her, nurse her to sleep ( as soon as she starts sleep signs ) and SLOWLY and I mean SLOWLY back away. Keep your hand on her while she falls asleep so she knows your there and dont remove your hand off her until you about to get off the bed. this way she still thinks you are there. Place a rolled up blanket behind her back so she is up against something so she feels more safe.

Cat nappers are hard to have when you have a bustling life and need to get other things done.  I don't know how you define sleep training but I will assume you mean "crying it out" . this is not a method I suggest because there are too many studies that show that this crying it out method actually causes babies brains to develop more slowly. The impact that it has on them is great and it is long term. By crying it out you are not training them to be independant, you are training them not to trust you that you will meet their needs. Babies NEED to know this trust. So, feeding her needs for her first 5 years is paramount. It doesnt mean you have to give into her every whim. it means you teach good boundries, but also meet her needs at the same time.  

If you think about it from her perspective, a paci, lovey , the crib, doesnt feel CLOSE to as good as being next to a warm human who you love and adore.  If someone came and took the baby and handed you a doll and said, here, love it and get used to it... how do you think you would handle it? that is how she feels. Your are a good mom, and she loves and adores you. she wants to be held and cradled all the time. Who can blame her? while she is this young she needs it.

I would reccomend getting the sleep book by Dr. Sears, and or the No cry sleep solution from Elizabeth Pantly. read which one feels better to you to get specific ideas that work best for you and her. Then go from here.

I know we have ways we think babies "should" behave. Sleeping in a crib, every few hours is one of them. However, babies are different. They don't follow  what WE want them to do, most of the time. Those are OUR ideas as adults to try to make the baby fit into OUR lives, when really, if we want healthy young children, we need to learn to fit into theirs and create a team. Because that, is what you are :)

I hope that helped!
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