Breastfeeding/Breastfeeding

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Expert: - 2/24/2004


Question
I am very concerned about a mother that I know that has a 30 month old boy that is still breastfeeding.  The child sleeps with her in her bed and breastfeeds throughout the night.  She works during the day and does not pump therefore he does without breastfeeding for hours.  Is this behavior abnormal?  I have watched the child for an overnight and he does ask for his mom during the night and then proceeds to hit himself in the head and mouth?  I am concerned of the effects on this little boy.  After returning the child the mother rips her shirt open to offer her breast in almost a panic type gesturee the child wasnt even looking to be fed? Thanks for any thing you may know or feel about this situation.

Answer
Dear Lucy,

This sounds like a rather complex situation. There is nothing abnormal about a 30-month-old child sleeping with the mother in her bed and continuing to nurse, although it is not typical in western culture. Most children this age don't need to nurse often during the night, but if this one wakes up once or twice and wants a little nursing, although that's not usual in our society it is in plenty of other cultures and it's not necessarily abnormal.

What is of concern is the child's hitting himself in the head and the mouth. This may indicate an emotional problem and it is probably a good idea to let the mother know that he does this so that she can ask the child's doctor about this behavior. It is probably not related to the breastfeeding or the sleeping together, because plenty of children nurse and sleep with their parents but don't hit themselves.

When the mother returns for the child, she would probably do more good for him by welcoming him into her arms and hugging him than "ripping open her shirt" in a panicky way as you indicate. This may say more about the mother's need to nurse than the toddler's need to nurse. However, this in itself may not be a problem for the child. And, realistically speaking, you probably can't do anything about it.

If you are close enough to the mother to be able to offer an opinion about her child, I would suggest that you focus only on the child's self-abuse. Also, you might check in the library for books about children's emotional problems and see if there's any way you can help him the next time you take care of him. Sometimes a simple distraction (cookie, ice cream, TV, reading a story to him) or pulling him onto your lap and singing to him can help.

It's good that you have the child's welfare at heart. Good luck in helping him.

Sally Wendkos Olds
author, THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING
coauthor, CHILD DEVELOPMENT: INFANCY THROUGH ADOLESCENCE

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Sally Wendkos Olds

Expertise

What do you want to know about breastfeeding? I can tell you what`s good for the baby, what`s good for the mother -- and the father, how it`s related to a woman`s sexuality, how working moms can nurse, how to overcome obstacles, and lots more. As the author of THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING and author or coauthor of 8 other books and more than 200 articles about child and adult development, I can offer sound, sensible advice on breastfeeding, child care and family issues.

Experience

I nursed my 3 daughters and am the grandmother of 5 breastfed children. My book THE COMPLETE BOOK OF BREASTFEEDING (written in consultation with pediatrician Marvin S. Eiger, M.D.) was first published in 1972, and in 1999 came out in an updated 3rd Edition by Workman Publishing & Bantam Books. It is now a classic, with over 2 million copies in print. I am now revising this book for a fourth edition, consulting with pediatrician Laura M. Marks, M.D. This new edition will be published September 2009. I welcome any and all suggestions for the new edition. I coauthored college textbooks A CHILD'S WORLD: INFANCY THROUGH ADOLESCENCE, and HUMAN DEVELOPMENT; both are leading texts in their fields and have been read by 2 million students. I am the coauthor of HELPING YOUR CHILD FIND VALUES TO LIVE BY and RAISING A HYPERACTIVE CHILD, and author of THE WORKING PARENTS' SURVIVAL GUIDE & THE ETERNAL GARDEN: SEASONS OF OUR SEXUALITY. My newest book, A BALCONY IN NEPAL: GLIMPSES OF A HIMALAYAN VILLAGE, published in 2002, tells the story of the way of life in a remote village in Nepal, where all the women breastfeed! My book, SUPER GRANNY: COOL PROJECTS, ACTIVITIES, AND OTHER GREAT STUFF TO DO WITH YOUR GRANDKIDS, will be published March 2009. I speak often to professional, parent and general audiences and make many radio and TV appearances.

Credentials I received my B.A. in English Literature from the University of Pennsylvania, where I minored in Psychology, was elected to Phi Beta Kappa and graduated summa cum laude.

Other points of interest I have received national awards for my writing, and am a former president of the American Society of Journalists & Authors. I am listed in the World Who's Who of Women, International Authors & Writers Who's Who, and Contemporary Authors, and am a member of several professional and civic organizations. I believe: that all parents are working parents; that parents employed outside the home need special support; that mothers' well-being is crucial to their children's welfare; and that the family is the best institution in the world and the one for which we are least prepared. My thrills come when parents or kids tell me they were helped by my writing or speaking or just understanding. To find out more about me, go to

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